IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In order to study at university students are required to pay expensive tuition fees. Not all student can afford them so some think that university education should be free. Do you agree or disagree?

#study #university #students #tuition #fees #student #think #education
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Getting into
university
 is highly expensive lately and the
students
 who want to be in higher
education
 must pay an expensive tuition fee. Some
people
 think the fees should be affordable because not all prospective
students
 can afford it. In
this
 essay, I will examine why I completely agree with the statement because I believe
everyone
 deserves the same opportunity to get into
university
. First of all, the primary function of
education
, including at the tertiary
level
, is to foster societal development for
everyone
. Having a free cost at
university
 can open the same chance for
everyone
 to get a higher
level
 of
education
. A free
university
 system would be more competitive because the selected
students
 who can pass the
university
 entrance test are only those who have the best competencies and not because of their family's wealth background.
For example
, every potential student from any different economic background can take the entrance test at
university
 and the ones who get the high score can get accepted into the
university
.
This
 kind of system is very fair to implement because it selects the
students
 depending on their potential knowledge and brain.
Moreover
, it encourages young
people
 to get a higher degree. Nowadays, many of them are afraid to pursue academics at the tertiary
level
 because of the burden of financial constraints. Making
university
education
 free of cost can democratize access allowing individuals to achieve their academic dream without the need to think about the fees.
For instance
, youth who come from poor families can still get their PhD degree freely. It can help them to change their economic status and change their family lives to be better. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 believe that
university
education
 should be for a few
people
, I believe that a higher
level
 of
education
 should be affordable to
everyone
 so that
everyone
 from any different economic background has the same opportunity to get into the
university
 without the need to weight about the fees.
Submitted by nurulfitriakamilah on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the complexity of your essay by varying sentence structure more effectively. This will improve the flow of ideas and the overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, which will enhance the essay's coherence.
task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic, try to delve deeper into the implications and consequences of free university education. Discussing possible challenges and solutions could add depth to your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more precise examples to support your points. Specific, real-world instances or studies enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
task achievement
Develop a more nuanced thesis statement that acknowledges potential counterarguments. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic and improve the effectiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tertiary education
  • foster
  • societal development
  • economic backgrounds
  • financial constraints
  • democratize access
  • sustainable
  • compromising
  • scholarships
  • financial aid
  • tuition fees
  • oversupply
  • labor market equilibrium
What to do next:
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