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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, some people believe advertising is useful and informative. Others believe advertising gives false information about the products and increase the price of goods. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, some people believe advertising is useful and informative. Others believe advertising gives false
information
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 about the
products
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 and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the price of goods. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. People are divided in their opinions regarding
advertisements
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 which surround us everywhere. Some individuals in society think that advertising different
products
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 on mass media leads to receiving valuable
information
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while
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 others mention drastic changes in individuals’ thoughts in society via propaganda. Let me examine both views before reaching a concrete decision. First and foremost,
advertisements
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 help people know about new
products
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 and services which can be beneficial for them .
Moreover
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,
advertisements
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 provide
information
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 about features and pricing allowing
consumers
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 to make informed decisions. They highlight promotions, sales and discounts, which can help
consumers
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 save their money.
Advertisements
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 can educate
consumers
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 about how to use a product, its advantages, and best practices, reinforcing the
overall
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 consumer experience. To cite an example, many companies,
such
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 as Apple, produce
advertisements
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 that not only showcase their latest gadgets but
also
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 provide reliable tutorials and tips for getting the most out of their devices.
For instance
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, their commercials often demonstrate how to use various features of the iPhone,
such
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 as taking photos or using Siri, which empowers
consumers
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 to utilize their
products
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 effectively.
On the contrary
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, advertisement makers tend to show
products
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 in the best possible light, including false
information
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 or changes in items’ appearance in order to attract buyers. It can lead to
sense
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a sense
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 of dissatisfaction after purchasing desired things.
This
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 discrepancy between how
products
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 are portrayed in
advertisements
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 and their actual performance can result in
consumers
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 with feelings of regret or disappointment after realizing that the product does not meet their expectations.
Moreover
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,
advertisements
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 often portray unrealistic standards of beauty, leading to self-esteem issues and body image problems among viewers. As viewers compare themselves to these idealized images, they might experience feelings of anxiety and depression. As evidence, researchers showed that body dissatisfaction and eating disorders among viewers of
advertisements
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 enhanced tremendously . Individuals may start extreme dieting, cosmetic procedures, or unhealthy habits in pursuit of these unattainable ideals. Weighing up both sides of the argument, apart from the educational and informational features of commercials drawbacks tip the scales. From my point of view, their contribution needs to be strictly controlled in order to avoid misleading
information
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 for
consumers
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.

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task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, but there is slight room for improvement in terms of examples to further substantiate the claims. Consider incorporating more real-life examples or statistics to strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the ideas are clear and the language is appropriately used, some sentences can be revised for clarity. Ensure that each sentence logically flows from the previous one, and avoid any potential ambiguities or convoluted sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, providing a strong framework for the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples, such as Apple’s advertisements, and discusses their impact effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer awareness
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeal
  • misleading advertisements
  • informed purchasing decisions
  • exaggeration
  • competition
  • innovation
  • higher price
  • product quality
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