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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. Do the advantages of this for study outweigh the disadvantages?

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While
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 spending a period of
time
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or working
instead
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 of going directly
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasingly popular, they continue to be rather controversial because the benefits are hard to quantify exactly. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss now. On the one hand, some drawbacks of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and working for a period of
time
Use synonyms
 can be pointed out.
Firstly
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, it might be quite dangerous in some situations.
For instance
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, it could be hard for
students
Use synonyms
 to do some manual
work
Use synonyms
 as they have not got a degree to
work
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 in a better place. Insufficient experience and understanding can push
students
Use synonyms
 into difficult situations
such
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 as
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 abuse, inability to take responsibility and so on.
Secondly
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, working and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 could be more appealing than attending
university
Use synonyms
.
Students
Use synonyms
 tend to choose to live without the discipline of formal schooling.
As a result
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,
this
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 can be hard to turn back to study and adjust to
university
Use synonyms
 life, damaging
students
Use synonyms
’ performances.
On the other hand
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, there are various reasons why it might be considered beneficial to travel or
work
Use synonyms
 between high school and
university
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.
Firstly
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,
students
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 can spend more
time
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 to experience and gain skills for personal development.
For instance
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, by being exposed to different people and diverse cultural settings,
students
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’ perspectives can be broadened.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 may enhance skills and
work
Use synonyms
 experience that could be useful for their future careers.
Secondly
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, taking a gap period would give
students
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 opportunities to discover themselves.
Students
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 are likely to participate in activities where they can show their interests and passions.
Thus
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, these experiences can guide them to choose the right major for
university
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 and open more job opportunities. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of working and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 after high school can outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 is provided that
students
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 have planned carefully and used their
time
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 for something genuinely worthwhile.

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task achievement
To further improve your score, aim to clearly state your position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a more structured development of main points by possibly introducing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to enhance the flow of ideas and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • horizons
  • creativity
  • adaptability
  • gap year
  • academic rigor
  • financial constraints
  • long-term educational goals
  • academic pursuits
  • academic ambitions
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