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Band 6

Nowadays, people are going for alternatives instead of meeting their doctor for health problems. Is this a positive or negative development?

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At present, there is a significant growth of
people
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 trying out certain unfamiliar
treatments
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instead
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 of meeting their family doctor for their
health
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 issues. In my opinion,
this
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 should be viewed as a negative development because the majority of alternatives are not good for
health
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 long term and they do not have evidence that cures a
health
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, there is a growing tendency to use some uncommon
treatments
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 by
people
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 without using their usual drugs and
this
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 is mainly driven by the toxic commercial advertisements. It has become apparent that
,
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apply
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people
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 always go for the alternatives which give faster results.
This
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 is
similarly
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 applied
for
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to
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health
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 concerns as well. Advertisers are well aware of
this
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 and persuade the public to buy the product. Because of
this
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 inspiration,
people
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 tend to purchase even without concern about its long-term effect on
health
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 and reject their usual medicine.
For example
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, a group of scientists
of
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at
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 the University of California found that
,
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apply
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 a drink marketed as a promising drug for diabetes contained cancer-causing ingredients.
Furthermore
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, those alternative
treatments
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 have no evidence of curing disease
although
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 they are promoted as proven results. The
people
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 who promote those placebos are usually not medical practitioners and even they might not have the qualifications.
For example
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, in the United Kingdom, there was a sudden emergence of medicine that was marketed as curing migraine. A huge commercial campaign was organized to make
aware
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apply
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the public and
consequently
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, the majority of migraine patients shifted to
this
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 drug by abandoning the use of usual medicine.
However
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, investigations found that
,
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apply
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 the person who was behind
this
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 scenario had no right to introduce
such
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 a product to society. Thereby, we can imagine how effective that product would be for migraine. In conclusion,
people
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 are highly influenced to go for alternative
treatments
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 and drugs for
health
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 concerns
instead
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 of taking medical advice.
This
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 should be seen as a negative development because the alternatives may be detrimental to the
health
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 and often they have no evidence of curing the diseases.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a logical flow throughout the essay. Try avoiding abrupt transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more variety in transitions and linking phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more deeply with further explanation or analysis.
task achievement
Use a wider range of sentence structures to articulate your ideas more clearly and show your linguistic range.
task achievement
Be careful with overgeneralizations and make sure that your arguments are backed up by credible sources or sound logic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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