IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People say that nowadays, modern teens are too much reliant on Information Technologies. To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #teens #information #technologies
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Teenagers in the modern era are believed to be over-dependent on the digital network.
However
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, I partly disagree with
this
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 opinion because despite offering a great tool for humans to enhance productivity,
technology
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 can be heavily abused in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. On one hand, with all the study-related benefits
information
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technology
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 has provided to teenagers, intensive use of digital devices can become the nature of class settings.
This
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 technological breakthrough has enabled them to store and process
information
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 more efficiently and rapidly than ever before, reducing the time to complete a task.
Therefore
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,
this
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 unique feature might be incorporated into the teaching and learning process in many fields, with some subjects,
such
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 as machine learning or AI, having a great demand
on
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for
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 computing capacity. In
this
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 case, spending much time with technological devices may not be a sign of reliance, but rather the prerequisite for utilizing computing power to serve teens' study.
However
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, excessive use of
information
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technology
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 in entertainment and communication can result in major consequences on teenagers' daily
routine
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routines
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.
Due to
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 its convenience, they will opt to consume amusing content on social media
instead
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 of conventional means
such
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 as attending a music venue or playing sports.
This
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 would lead to a lack of human interaction in real life among young people. As they grow up, they would become socially inept, making it harder for them to form and nurture connections.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 a sedentary lifestyle with endless amusement could create psychological problems within
this
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 vulnerable age group, like short attention spans and procrastination. Not only would it disrupt their normal routine but it can
also
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 result in Internet addiction. In conclusion,
although
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 engaging with
information
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technology
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 might improve teens' academic performance, I wholly believe it would
also
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 initiate mental health hazards among them.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. This includes making sure your position on the statement is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, further develop your examples with more specifics and real-world implications to better showcase your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain the logical flow of ideas by linking paragraphs and ideas more explicitly. This can be achieved through a variety of transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Including a broader range of supporting examples can strengthen your main points. Consider using case studies or statistics to bring more depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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