IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The only way to improve road safety is to have stricter punishments for driving offenders.

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It is usually perceived that the best solution to alleviate pedestrian safety in
traffic
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 is to enforce heavier retribution.
However
Linking Words
, the writer disagrees with the given statement as stricter
punishments
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 would not be effective unless the enforcement process is done properly and it is better to prioritize
education
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 to ensure safety and
hence
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 restrict crime levels.
Traffic
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 accidents are the most common and lethal calamities,
thus
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 many concerns are on
this
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 issue. The government gave out a lot of restrictions and
punishments
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however
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 it is not working if the people on duty do not impose
such
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 severity and earnestness on the lawbreakers. Take a look at Vietnam – a country with bad
traffic
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 conditions, the number of drunk drivers has been reduced significantly
due to
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 the new law of driving under the influence of alcohol. The law was imposed long ago but only worked when all the police officers started to enforce more responsibility on the criminals. The same situation goes for the smoking laws, as it has not been improved despite the strict
punishments
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, all because people do not feel concerned about the issue. As we all know, it is always best to fix the root cause first and
education
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 should always, be our main priority, especially for the young generation.
Education
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 helps to widen our knowledge and
hence
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 alleviate the perception of
traffic
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 issues. In Victor Hugo’s novel “Les Misérables”, Jean Valjean – is a man who was arrested for 19 years because he stole a loaf of bread for his starving nephew. The unfairness of the world makes him want
to
Verb problem
apply
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revenge,
nevertheless
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, the sincerity and love that Myriel gave him changed his life forever. The moral of the story here is to cherish love and
education
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 because those two factors are what we need to live, and it is no different in restricting crime levels. In conclusion, enforcing strict
punishments
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 could be advantageous
however
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this
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 is not the best and long-term solution. To achieve stabilization on the road, we should take the laws seriously and improve
education
Use synonyms
 qualities.

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Consider expanding on how strict punishments can be effective, not only their limitations, and provide a balanced view before stating your final opinion.
Task Achievement
For clearer and more comprehensive ideas, strive for depth rather than breadth. Focus on developing a few key points in detail with specific examples, rather than mentioning many different ideas with less development.
Task Achievement
Incorporating more relevant and specific examples directly related to road safety and traffic laws would make your arguments stronger. Personal anecdotes or citing specific studies can greatly enhance your claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the logical structure, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences directly elaborate on that idea. Use connectors and transitions effectively to ensure a smooth flow of ideas between paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, working on a clearer thesis statement in your introduction and a more impactful final thought in your conclusion could significantly enhance the effectiveness of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
When supporting your main points, focus on the quality of your examples and explanations. Ensure each point made is followed by a strong rationale or example that directly supports your argument.
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