IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative development

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Rural
people
Use synonyms
 across the world, opt to move from the countryside to
cities
Use synonyms
;
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is seen that the density of the population in these areas has decreased. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development that can lead to a limited number of productions and
also
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 other agricultural problems later on in life. One serious problem that can arise from the decreased number of
people
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 living in the countryside is the decline in local economies, which means a low gross domestic product. To delve into the matter, if efforts are made to strike a balance between the populations of both the countryside and
cities
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, it can bring about economic benefits
such
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 as a high level of production.
Otherwise
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, the diminishing numbers of farm labourers result in fertile areas which are not harvested.
Likewise
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,
decreased
Correct article usage
a decreased
show examples
 number of employment in rural areas leads to a difference in income distribution. On the positive side, rural-to-urban migration often occurs
due to
Linking Words
 income-based concerns;
therefore
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, it is acceptable to
people
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 who want to improve their quality of life. Rural life brings a lot of opportunities,
such
Linking Words
 as improved access to education and enhanced healthcare facilities.
Although
Linking Words
 broader job prospects make
people
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 inclined to move to
cities
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, there are many drawbacks as well. With the dense population, some homeowners and real estate agents make use of increased demands for renting immorally. If I were to give an example, after the Syria and Ukraine wars, rents soared to a level that
people
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 couldn't afford. Ultimately, the concentration of population in
cities
Use synonyms
 can lead to various disadvantages and may even require preemptive measures along the way.

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Task Achievement
To enhance the Task Achievement score, aim to provide more specific examples that directly relate to the impact of rural depopulation on production and agricultural sectors. Integrating studies, statistics, or even hypothetical scenarios could significantly enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, consider more sophisticated linking words or phrases to connect ideas smoothly within and across paragraphs. While your essay is well-organized, employing a wider range of conjunctions can enhance the reader's experience and the flow of information.
Grammar and Lexical Resource
Enrich your essay with a variety of sentence structures to showcase your language proficiency. This will not only make your argument more compelling but also demonstrate your command over the English language.
Overall Coherence
Finally, ensure a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance. While your essay provides a thorough discussion, a more impactful conclusion could enhance its effectiveness and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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