A lot of people who wanted to become professional athlete gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents’ pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports?

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Sports

Use synonyms

have a vital role in boosting one’s mental and physical well-being.

Although

Linking Words

a large number of

people

Use synonyms

have a dream of becoming a professional athlete, they give up their ambition

due to

Linking Words

the fear of failure

as well as

Linking Words

their parents’ pressure to acquire a higher education rather than focus on

sports

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

underestimate the parental role in succeeding children in

sports

Use synonyms

, I strongly believe that parents’

support

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paves the way for their kids to pursue their dreams. On the one hand, some

people

Use synonyms

justifiably argue that choosing

sports

Use synonyms

as a career is a challenging process which requires emotional and physical

support

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. To clarify, many teenagers have visualized themselves as a professional sportsman,

however

Linking Words

, they find it difficult to follow their dreams as they are afraid of not being successful.

Moreover

Linking Words

, some mothers and fathers have a negative attitude towards doing

sports

Use synonyms

as a life-long profession.

As a result

Linking Words

, being dependent on their parents, most youngsters prefer to forget their dreams in order to have their parents’ attention.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, another group of

people

Use synonyms

claim that teenagers should learn to be independent, they insist that parents should only provide them with their basic amenities and

further

Linking Words

support

Use synonyms

is nothing more than spoiling kids.

However

Linking Words

, I do not find

this

Linking Words

argument convincing as every person regardless of their age needs psychological

support

Use synonyms

which is highly beneficial to succeed in every aspect of their lives. Research findings confirm that children who have parental care find it easy not only to obtain higher qualifications but

also

Linking Words

to have better mental health.

For instance

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, students who have been awarded numerous prizes in several competitions bring pleasure to their families and national pride to their countries, as well. In conclusion, in my view, older members of a family should provide the youngsters with their needs emotionally

as well as

Linking Words

physically.

Moreover

Linking Words

Moreover

Linking Words

, parents should assure their kids of their unconditional love and

support

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which leads to unbelievable outcomes.

shabnam.sohanianSat Feb 17 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Great job on clearly structuring your essay, with a coherent introduction and conclusion. To improve, consider diversifying the types of linking words and phrases you use to enhance cohesion between ideas.

Task Achievement

You have provided a well-rounded response to the task, however, including even more specific examples or statistics to back up your claims could strengthen your argument and enhance task achievement.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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A lot of people who wanted to become professional athlete gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parents’ pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to do a career in sports?

Many young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects both on their lives and the society. (To what extent do you agree or disagree?)

Nowadays, people are often seen neglecting their daily habits and opting for convenient yet unhealthy choices. This essay highlights the cause behind this approach and provides the healthier ways that might help people to combat the overarching problem.

The plans below show the layout of a university's sports center now and how it will look after redevelopment.

In the future all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?