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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #outweigh
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Nowadays modern technology brings huge changes in the lifestyle of kids they spend most of their type
while
 playing games online or watching TV.
However
, I believe that it has a detrimental effect on their health
as well as
 upbringing. I will discuss
this
 in detail in my essay below.
To begin
 with, it is a fact that everyone is now busy with their work mostly parents are working they are unable to give their full attention to young ones.
Therefore
, computers and laptops are the best inventions for
such
 parents their kids usually spend
time
 on
such
 gadgets to engage themselves.
Moreover
, as they continuously watch TV, using laptops and mobile out huge impact on their behaviour
as well as
 on their personality. As per surveys, it is proved that most of them are not able to talk properly at times as they spend most of the
time
 watching so they don’t have any interactions with people which results in delayed speech.
In addition
, the
further
 drawback is weak eyesight as they are more on-screen so that easily damages their vision. So, they are not able to spend
time
 with their family
hence
 the family bond remains weak.
Therefore
, they become stubborn and are not able to obey their parents they use
this
 equipment daily
instead
 of giving
time
 to their guardians.
Furthermore
, they misbehave and do not listen to
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
, and commit mistakes in their lives that are damaging to their personality. In conclusion,
although
 it brings many changes that have both positive and negative impacts on the life of kids I think the weightage of drawbacks is more than the pros
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Task Achievement
Focus on providing a more balanced view when the question asks to discuss both advantages and disadvantages. Ensure to elaborate on both sides to fully meet the task requirement.
Task Achievement
Provide more clear and specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in illustrating your points more effectively and improve the persuasiveness of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop a clearer logical progression of ideas by using a range of cohesive devices more effectively. This includes linking phrases and transition words to help the reader follow your arguments more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly states the essay's intention and your viewpoint if required. Similarly, your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position clearly, reinforcing the argument made in the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, paragraph your essay appropriately. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be developed cohesively with supporting sentences. This structure helps in creating a more logical flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
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