IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that it is better to other countries for greater work and life opportunities. Others argue that it is best to stay in their home country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #countries #work #life #opportunities #home #country
Nowadays, there are differing views on whether individuals ought to go to other parts of the world for better job and life opportunities. Some argue that maintaining their current status can save them from the uncertainty of living abroad. Alternatively, in my opinion,
this
 practice should be taken to prevent bigger dangers in the future and enhance the chance of success. On the one hand, people who resist moving abroad may be afraid of its effect on their lives.
In other words
, they have a family to support with their current job, which can be endangered when they resign.
However
, I do not consider that maintaining the status quo is a good choice
due to
 the fact that, in the long term, there may be economic and digital breakthroughs that can endanger their profession if they do not look for additional improvement or opportunity. As the billionaire Peter said, "In a world that changes quickly, the biggest risk that you can take is not taking a risk."
On the other hand
, immigrating overseas can increase the chance of prosperity.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that when moving to a new area, we may meet new people with diverse backgrounds, access various funding and resources, and even receive incentives from the government.
For example
, the richest man in the world, Elon Musk, who originally lived in South Africa with his family, moved to the United States for better living opportunities.
As a result
, he studied physics and economics and built Tesla and SpaceX with the help of genius engineers and scientists.
This
 is unlikely to happen if he stays in the original nation. I agree with
this
 argument since
this
 practice gives an unfair advantage to those who migrate and is more likely to help them achieve their ambitions in the future. In conclusion,
although
 moving abroad would bring uncertainty to their current lives, I believe it is preferable to provide them with better, unfair benefits that can help them gain prosperity.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more systematically. Paragraph structure could be refined to enhance the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on introducing a varied range of sentence structures and linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Consider opposing viewpoints more comprehensively for a balanced discussion before stating your opinion.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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