IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people believe that students should learn science subjects at schools while others believe that other subjects like history is also beneficial for them discuss both views

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There is an active debate in society, where some opine that being good at IT and technology is the only way to success in life.
In contrast
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, others think it is important to have optimum knowledge of courses like history,
finance
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 and arts are helpful too.
This
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 essay will discuss both opinions in the forthcoming paragraph.
To begin
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 with, as technology is advancing at a rapid pace, it is safe to say, an individual with fair understanding of computers and the artificial intelligence will have a secure future.
In other words
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, computers are going to overtake all fields in coming times.
For example
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:
finance
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 industry is getting revolutionarised by IT sector, a person can transfer
money
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 internationally on just one click. On other hand, beliver of latter statement contend, it is utter gibberish to think science will rule the world in the future, other subjects like
finance
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, history, music are equally important to study.
furthermore
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, skills like
money
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 management plays an essential role in an individual's life, AI can't manage your
money
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 for you and no one will be comfortable enough to trust it to handle their
money
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. To exemplify: a recent study by University of Texas claims, people have started consulting
finance
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 managers 18 percent more in
last
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 decade
due to
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 lack of trust on technology. In conclusion, both the sides have it's own positives and negatives, it is certain that plenty of jobs done by human today will be overtaken by computers in the future but, it's equally important to have optimum knowledge of other areas.

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Introduction
Consider refining your introduction to more clearly outline the viewpoints you will discuss. This sets a clearer pathway for your discussion.
Balance
Ensure your essay maintains a balanced discussion of both viewpoints throughout. While you've discussed both sides, further expanding on each viewpoint could provide a more thorough exploration.
Clarity
Work on the clarity and precision of your arguments, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or further explanation. This will strengthen your task achievement score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion; however, varying your sentence structures and using clearer linking words could enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs.
Coverage
You've covered both sides of the argument, which is essential for the task.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises the essay's discussion, reflecting on the importance of both perspectives.
Examples
Providing specific examples, such as the study by the University of Texas, helps support your arguments and improve task achievement.
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