Some parents encourage their children to be competitive, for example in sports and classes at school. Other parents think that encouraging competition can be harmful to their children.

#parents #children #sports #classes #school #competition

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People have different views on the concept of

competition

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While

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some claim that

competition

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is a crucial aspect of

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children

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’s education, I firmly argue that tough

competition

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in childhood could lead

children

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to lose their self-confidence and give in to their possible

dreams

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. Those who are in favour of

competition

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in education often reflect today’s societal values. When

children

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grow up and start working for a company, cut-through

competition

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might be waiting for them.

For instance

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, approximately 15 to 20 new employees are hired annually in an average size of

Japanese

Add an article

the Japanese

a Japanese

show examples

company, and each one of them needs to put in a considerable amount of effort so as to receive a promotion.

Hence

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, establishing a habit of competing with others in early life seems to be a great practice for their future.

Nevertheless

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, I am strongly opposed to the idea of early

competition

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for the following two reasons.

To begin

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, the environment, where tough

competition

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is widespread, has a detrimental effect on

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children

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’s self-identity. Young

children

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in particular

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, have not fully developed confidence, self-esteem, and resilience, which results in impairing their positive outlook.

Due to

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the lack of confidence formed by

competition

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children

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may significantly be afraid of taking the initiative to try new things.

Additionally

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although

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it is imperative for

children

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to have a dream that they aspire to attain in the future,

competition

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would hinder them from pursuing their

dreams

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as a result

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of losing

competition

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Hence

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, not only does

competition

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negatively impact

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children

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’s self-esteem, but it

also

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poses a threat to their early

dreams

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. In conclusion, I must acknowledge that

competition

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could provide

children

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with essential mindsets for the future, I contend that it could do more harm to

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children

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’s confidence level and they may give up their

dreams

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easily.

Submitted by artical5er7 on Sun Feb 18 2024

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Coherence/Cohesion

To enhance your logical structure, try creating a more organized approach to your argument. This can be done by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction, and then systematically addressing each one with supporting examples or evidence in the body paragraphs.

Coherence/Cohesion

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the topics that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the main points made, restate your position on the subject, and perhaps suggest a future outlook or solution.

Coherence/Cohesion

To better support your main points, make sure each argument is backed by clear, specific examples or evidence. This not only strengthens your position but also makes your essay more convincing and engaging to the reader.

Task Achievement

To achieve a more complete response, ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed. It can be beneficial to spend a moment planning your essay to make sure every part of the question is answered fully in your writing.

Task Achievement

Focus on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This can involve elaborating on your points more thoroughly, ensuring that your arguments are fully developed and your essay fully explores the topic at hand.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Doing so can make your essay more persuasive and provide a solid foundation for your viewpoints.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Some parents encourage their children to be competitive, for example in sports and classes at school. Other parents think that encouraging competition can be harmful to their children.

Your opinion

If a product is good and meet customer needs,then people will buy it. So advertising it is unneccessary. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that it is better to work for a large company than a small one. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.