IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatmens instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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In today's society, an increasing number of
people
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 with health issues are attempting complementary therapies and
treatments
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instead
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 of taking medical check-ups at hospitals. In my opinion, considering the effectiveness and proactive approach that complementary
treatments
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 offer. First and foremost, one compelling argument supporting my stance is that
unlike
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, unlike
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 visits to physical medical centres, alternative therapies offer opportunities for general exercise and social interactions in life.
For example
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, yoga is regarded as one of the most effective methods, requiring physical activities and mindfulness, which can enhance both mental and physical well-being. By participating in yoga classes, individuals can sustain or foster their health conditions.
Therefore
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, alternative
treatments
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 can be considered beneficial for citizens.
In addition
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, some
people
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 assert that taking
such
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treatments
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 can be more expensive than those provided by public centres
,
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apply
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 since they are not covered by national healthcare insurance.
Nevertheless
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, they can serve as a preventative measure.
Hence
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,
people
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 take reactive medicines less often, which might have side effects and harm their well-being.
For instance
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, herbal
treatments
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 are widely acknowledged for their benefits in society. Specifically, major benefits are improving blood circulation and stress levels without side effects.
As a result
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, before visiting hospitals, the majority of individuals can maintain their well-being.
Therefore
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, the number of visits to hospitals among
people
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 might reduce
due to
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 the adaptation of
such
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 measures. In conclusion, I firmly believe that complementary therapies are beneficial since they have the potential to enhance not only mental but
also
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 physical well-being, and the preventative approach would reduce the number of medical check-ups, ultimately improving the quality of life.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly define what 'complementary therapies' entails, potentially including examples to give the reader clarity right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain a uniform tone throughout your writing. Some phrases may feel slightly colloquial compared to the academic nature of the essay; for instance, 'the majority of individuals can maintain their well-being.' Consider using more formal language.
task achievement
In your second body paragraph, while you mention the cost of treatments, it may be helpful to clarify this point further. Consider addressing potential solutions for those who find the costs prohibitive, which would provide a more rounded argument.
task achievement
The essay displays a clear opinion throughout, clearly stating that you believe complementary therapies are beneficial.
task achievement
Your examples, like yoga and herbal treatments, effectively illustrate your points and enhance the credibility of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The logical progression of ideas and the clear separation of paragraphs contribute positively to the overall structure of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • sustainable health solutions
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • scientific validation
  • regulation
  • natural remedies
  • lifestyle changes
  • complement conventional treatments
  • unverified alternative methods
  • cultural importance
  • traditional treatments
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