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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.
#shops #numer #coutry
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The presented line graph provides the proportion of shop closures and openings in one country between 2 years 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
 eight-
year
Use synonyms
 period, it is clearly shown that the biggest amount of closings of stores remained in 2013,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 openings in
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
year
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the highest compared to other much less
six
Add a hyphen
six-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. By 2012, opened
shops
Use synonyms
 at the beginning with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount of stores went into free-fall for almost 4500 shop
lose
Replace the word
losses
show examples
 in
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 period.
However
Linking Words
, in 2004 it moved upward
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 6100 new
shops
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, the numbers fluctuated to a downward trend
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 4
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 stayed
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
plateau in 2015 and 2017
also
Linking Words
 collapsed by 2018. Closed
shops
Use synonyms
 constituted stability
although
Linking Words
 in 2014 numbers plunged from almost 7000 to nearly 500
shops
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it returned to
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 tendency compared to opened
shops
Use synonyms
. As can be seen from the graph, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of closed
shops
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making up 5000
shops
Use synonyms
 closed the final
year
Use synonyms
 with the highest number
whereas
Linking Words
 opened
shops
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference made up 3000
shops
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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