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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the numer of new shops that opened in one coutry between 2011 and 2018.
#shops #numer #coutry
The presented line graph provides the proportion of shop closures and openings in one country between 2 years 2011 and 2018.
Overall
, during
this
 eight-
year
 period, it is clearly shown that the biggest amount of closings of stores remained in 2013,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 openings in
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
year
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the highest compared to other much less
six
Add a hyphen
six-year
show examples
year
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. By 2012, opened
shops
 at the beginning with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount of stores went into free-fall for almost 4500 shop
lose
Replace the word
losses
show examples
 in
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
year
 period.
However
, in 2004 it moved upward
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 almost 6100 new
shops
. Afterwards, the numbers fluctuated to a downward trend
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 4
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 stayed
a
Change preposition
at a
show examples
plateau in 2015 and 2017
also
 collapsed by 2018. Closed
shops
 constituted stability
although
 in 2014 numbers plunged from almost 7000 to nearly 500
shops
.
Furthermore
, it returned to
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 tendency compared to opened
shops
. As can be seen from the graph, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of closed
shops
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making up 5000
shops
 closed the final
year
 with the highest number
whereas
 opened
shops
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference made up 3000
shops
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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