IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

“Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

#“nowadays #people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor
In the contemporary world,
health
 treatment has become an indispensable part of our lives. These days people are curing themselves with
alternative
 medicine and treatments when encounter
health
 issues. Personally, I tend to think that trying an
alternative
 medicine without visiting the doctor is a negative development that has tremendous consequences.
Firstly
, it is well-known that many alternatives are not strictly regulated. What I mean here is that they are not subject to the same regulations in terms of efficiency and safety. One of the main reasons behind
that is
this
 kind of treatment does not need any permit to work. A good case in point is that almost 80% of
alternative
 therapies around the world are not conducted by professionals.
On the other hand
, it can
also
 be argued that attempting different treatments might be detrimental to
health
.
That is
 to say individuals by trying
alternative
 medicines might apply remedies that are not given by the doctors which are falsely claimed to have effectiveness with no evidence to
this
 and
thus
 harm their
health
 and make the situation even worse.
For instance
,
according to
 BBC News, 90% of deaths in Britain are
due to
 the self-treatment of people. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis, we can say that having self-treatment is not an appropriate way to cope with
health
 problems.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Expand your discussion to include more points of view, thereby providing a more balanced argument. Additionally, develop your ideas more comprehensively by elaborating on how alternative treatments can have specific impacts on traditional healthcare practices and patient health.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, try organizing your ideas more logically and clearly. Begin by stating a clear opinion or thesis statement in the introduction. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that indicates the main idea followed by supporting sentences. To enhance the flow of argumentation, make use of linking words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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