IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many claim that the fast food industry had a negative effect on the environment, eating habits and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, the fast
food
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industry
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 has expanded rapidly, offering convenient and affordable
meals
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 to
people
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 worldwide.
However
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, many argue that
this
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industry
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 has had a detrimental impact on the environment, eating habits, and family relationships.
While
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 fast
food
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 provides benefits
such
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 as convenience and affordability, I strongly agree that its negative effects outweigh its advantages.
Firstly
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, The fast
food
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industry
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 significantly contributes to environmental degradation. The excessive use of plastic packaging leads to pollution, as much of it is not biodegradable.
Additionally
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, the mass production of fast
food
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 requires large amounts of water and energy, increasing carbon emissions.
Moreover
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, the demand for meat in fast
food
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 restaurants results in deforestation to create space for livestock farming,
further
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 harming the ecosystem. Fast
food
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 consumption has negatively affected
people
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's eating habits, leading to unhealthy lifestyles. These foods are often high in calories, sugar, and unhealthy fats, increasing the risk of obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
Moreover
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, frequent consumption of fast
food
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 reduces
people
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's preference for home-cooked, nutritious
meals
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. Over time,
this
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 unhealthy diet becomes a habit, especially among young
people
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, contributing to serious health issues. Fast
food
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 culture has
also
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 weakened family bonds. Traditionally, families would gather for home-cooked
meals
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, creating opportunities for meaningful conversations and stronger relationships.
However
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, the convenience of fast
food
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 encourages
people
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 to eat separately or in a hurry, reducing family interaction.
As a result
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, family values and communication may suffer, leading to weaker relationships. In conclusion,
while
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 fast
food
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 is convenient and accessible, its negative effects on the environment, eating habits, and family life cannot be ignored. The
industry
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 contributes to pollution, promotes unhealthy diets, and weakens family bonds.
Therefore
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, individuals should reduce their fast
food
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 consumption and prioritize healthier, home-cooked
meals
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 to maintain both personal and environmental well-being.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding specific statistics or studies to support your claims about environmental impact and health issues linked to fast food.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. For example, consider adding phrases like 'In addition' or 'Moreover' at the beginning of some paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay offers a clear stance on the topic, effectively arguing that the negative effects of the fast food industry outweigh its advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs with distinct main ideas that contribute to the overall argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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