Shopping is now one of the most famous forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What is the reason? Is it positive or negative

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason

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Thers

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There

is no doubt that nowadays many young adults are using shopping as a form of leisure

activity

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in many countries.In the next paragraph ,I will discuss why is the reason and

negative

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the negative

show examples

effects of

this

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outcome.

To begin

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with,one of the

reason

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reasons

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is that parents play a significant role in parenting.

Therefore

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, parental

neglection

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neglect

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have

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has

show examples

many effects on their kids especially when it

come

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comes

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

internet networks

such

Linking Words

as Facebook,Instagram and others.

For

Linking Words

example

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,no rules or

restriction

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restrictions

show examples

srceen

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screen

time will lead to addiction on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media.

Consequently

Linking Words

leading

Wrong verb form

this leads

show examples

to more freedom and unexpected things will happen.Next,the second reason is an influence from external factors

such

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as friends and

surrounding

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surroundings

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can cause someone to change in order to keep up with the trends.

For

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example

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,in

this

Linking Words

digital era,

Iphone

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iPhone

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brand devices are the most popular compared to other brands.

On the other hand

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,not to

mentioned

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mention

show examples

this

Linking Words

activity

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

have

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has

show examples

negative effects on the environment ,a

watse

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waste

of money and

increasing

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an increasing

the increasing

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number of crimes.First,

due to

Linking Words

the high

demands

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demand

show examples

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for

show examples

fasionable

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fashionable

clothes ,a lot of resource and

meterial

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materials

needs to be used before producing

such

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items.

For

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example

Use synonyms

,illegal

poarching

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poaching

Linking Words

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will

has

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have

show examples

a significant impact on the environment and

Correct article usage

the intinction

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intinction

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extinction

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of some species.Second,

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apply

show examples

excessive shopping is always a

watse

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waste

of money because people should buy what is necessary for their daily life .

Finally

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,young adults need adequate

financial

Replace the word

finances

show examples

to support

this

Linking Words

shopping

activity

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However

Linking Words

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

inadequate

financial

Replace the word

finances

show examples

will lead to stealing.

For

Linking Words

example

Use synonyms

,a poor family cannot afford to buy

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

fasionable

Correct your spelling

fashionable

cloth

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for

show examples

their kids,

therefore

Linking Words

,a lot of

kid

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kids

show examples

begin to steal in order to keep up with fashion. In conclusion,the public and parents play a big role in educating the younger generation about what is more important for their life and encourage them to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

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other

Change preposition

in other

show examples

Use synonyms

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

such

Linking Words

as physical activities.

Overall

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, I think

this

Linking Words

pace

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

negatives

Change the noun form

negative

show examples

development

Change preposition

for

show examples

young adults.

Submitted by tifjong on Sun Feb 18 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure introduction clearly outlines the essay's main arguments. Structure your paragraphs logically, starting with topic sentences followed by supportive arguments and examples.

coherence cohesion

Use a mix of simple and complex sentences to express ideas clearly and add variety to your writing. Avoid overly long sentences that may confuse readers.

Respond directly to all parts of the task. Make sure your essay provides a balanced discussion on the reasons behind the trend and its positive or negative effects.,

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

301 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Consumer culture
Marketing strategies
E-commerce
Proliferation
Socializing
Self-expression
Identity formation
Materialism
Instant gratification
Trendy
Leisure activity
Frequent purchases
Accessible
Convenient

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Shopping is now one of the most famous forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What is the reason? Is it positive or negative

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better for children than watching TV or playing computer games.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Subtleties of banking: understanding the interdependence of depositors and borrowers.

People who have original ideas are of much greater value to society than those who are simply able to copy the ideas of others well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people claim that goverments should be responsible for taking care of the essential needs of the elderly, while others argue that it should be the elderly that should do so. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.