IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that products are new in some way. why is this? is it a negative or positive development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
The marketing dynamics today have become extremely conscious of selling a
product
.
This
 phenomenon has caused the
products
 to cater to materialistic appeal rather than catering to the
consumer
. The reason for
such
 a market uprising is the cut-throat competition in the market.
Products
 are competing to be better than other materials available.
This
 has caused an evident negative impact on
consumer
 behaviour. Focusing on
products
 being new and updated is a marketing gimmick, and ads are the perfect platform for it. It keeps the
product
 alive in the
consumer
's head, and the word about it is constantly buzzing.
This
 is a trick used to fool the
consumer
 into believing that the
product
that is
 advertised the most is the best available option in the market. Pushing
products
 with trending words like sustainability, upgraded, and advanced are just ways to grab the attention of the masses. In my opinion, it is an unethical way to present a
product
. Ads serve as a medium to create awareness about the use of the benefit. But recently, businesses have manipulated the selling methods for their
product
 to stand out. It is an unfair practice, as
products
 that are genuinely good and
also
 cost-effective are ignored,
while
products
 that are of inferior quality are making headlines simply because of their popularity.
This
 kind of development in the advertising industry leaves a negative footprint that affects the
consumer
 in a bad way.
Submitted by anushkapandey1825 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure that both parts of the question are fully addressed. While your essay discusses the negative impacts of emphasizing 'newness' in advertising, it lacks a balanced examination of why businesses do this and whether it could have any positive aspects. Consider presenting both sides of the argument or explaining in greater detail why the development is solely negative.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim to structure your essay more effectively. For example, introduce your main idea in the first paragraph, discuss reasons and examples supporting your view in subsequent paragraphs, and conclude with a summary or restatement of your position. Additionally, linking words and phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly and logically, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Illustrating your points with specific, relevant examples can significantly strengthen your argument. While you mention general problems with advertising, including targeted, real-world examples or studies can make your argument more persuasive and concrete. This helps the reader understand the practical implications of the issues you're discussing and adds depth to your analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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