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Band 7.5

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects
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It is true that children, as prospective workers, are not capable of recognizing the real nature of the
work
 world, so it is recommended by some people that juveniles should be taught about
work
 features
besides
 academic lessons. I entirely agree with
this
 idea. The first compelling reason is that providing competent workers is the prior goal of the educational system, and it would be more meaningful to increase the awareness of students about the world of
work
.
This
 will put them in real situations and definitely offer them to pursue jobs they would enjoy, preventing them from following their unrealistic desires.
As a result
, students would make their best decisions, increasing their job satisfaction, which encourages people to earn a more competitive salary, improving their quality of life. With a broader outlook, we will have a more prosperous and cultivating society that would benefit every individual in the community.
In addition
, teenagers often suffer from a lack of insight
due to
 their busy schedules at school, and
this
 leads them to be more shortsighted. Presently, teenagers are studying full-time at school or university, and it might be challenging to find a job or even acquire information about their
work
.
However
, gaining experience by spending a short time working
as well as
 studying academic subjects and learning about the
work
 environment would undoubtedly broaden their horizons and prevent them from making emotional decisions.
Consequently
,
this
 tends to improve the student's job prospects, increasing the probability of making the best decision. In conclusion, I believe that obligatory short-term
work
 for students
besides
 their school or university subjects would help them considerably choose the career which might be most suitable for each of them, resulting in a far more thriving community.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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