IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
n
Correct your spelling
In
 the past decade, the proliferation of violent movies has become a growing concern, giving rise to significant societal problems. One of the most alarming
consequences
Use synonyms
 is the surge in crime
rates
Use synonyms
 across different communities, leading to a disturbing increase in death
rates
Use synonyms
 worldwide.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve into the details of these problems and propose potential solutions. The escalation of brutality and bloodshed depicted in
films
Use synonyms
 has contributed to higher death
rates
Use synonyms
 globally. Individuals, influenced by what they witness on screen, may attempt to replicate violent acts, resulting in tragic
consequences
Use synonyms
 and the loss of innocent lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the unrealistic portrayal of violence can lead people to forget the serious real-life
consequences
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as imprisonment, associated with criminal actions. To address these challenges arising from the surge in violence portrayed in
films
Use synonyms
, governments could impose restrictions on their production.
For instance
Linking Words
, filmmakers could be required to pay substantial fines corresponding to the level of violence depicted in their work.
This
Linking Words
 would act as a deterrent, reducing the production and release of excessively violent movies.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a proactive approach involves encouraging filmmakers to create educational
films
Use synonyms
, particularly targeting teenagers and young adults who are more impressionable. These
films
Use synonyms
 can impart valuable lessons about the far-reaching
consequences
Use synonyms
 of criminal actions on both societal and global levels. In conclusion, the proliferation of violent
films
Use synonyms
 has contributed to a concerning increase in death
rates
Use synonyms
 worldwide. Implementing fines on filmmakers and promoting the creation of educational content are effective measures to curb the negative impact of violent movies on society. By taking these steps, governments can contribute to a safer and more informed global community.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Although the essay addresses the prompt effectively with clear introduction and conclusion, it could be further improved by providing more specific and varied examples instead of general statements.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits good logical structure and use of cohesive devices. Enhance the quality by varying sentence structures and employing a wider range of linking words and phrases.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: