In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe that this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

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Whether live
sports
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on
TV
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distracts youngsters from participating in
sports
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in real life is a matter of debate. In my view, participating in various
sports
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is much more beneficial than just watching them on
TV
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,
although
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watching a few
games
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doesn’t hurt either. In
this
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essay, I will discuss and present my view.
First,
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let’s begin with the fact that many
sports
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channels broadcast live sporting competitions, and in many countries, there are ongoing tournaments. These days, young people are passionate about many
sports
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but hardly engage in outdoor
sports
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.
Instead
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, they prefer
sports
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channels as part of their entertainment rather than as an encouragement for developing their sportsmanship skill. The non-stop
sports
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on television
also
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discourage youngsters from becoming athletes themselves.
For instance
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, more than half my college friends are huge fans of international
sports
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such
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as cricket and football but their experience with these
games
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is minimal. They are much better critics of these
games
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than they are players.
Sports
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channels are not the only cause of
this
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decline. The growth of video
games
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and the availability of gaming consoles have
also
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contributed to
this
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decline.
In addition
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, parents are
also
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responsible for
this
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degradation.
While
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parents should have encouraged children to play outdoor
games
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, they buy
games
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, and consoles for their kids. In conclusion, the reluctance to play
games
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rather than watch
sports
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on
TV
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has been kindled by the endless sporting programs on
TV
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, parents' apathy, and widespread access to gaming devices. No doubt
sports
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on
TV
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can be a good way to enjoy our favourite team's performance, but youngsters should not watch it all day long, and they
also
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should play the
sports
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themselves.
Submitted by trungnh283 on

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task achievement
You presented a balanced view effectively, but ensure all your points directly support your main argument to enhance clarity. Avoid deviating into topics such as video games and parental influence unless they directly relate to your argument on sports broadcasting's impact.
coherence & cohesion
Your essay has a good logical flow, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. To further improve, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that announces the paragraph’s main idea, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention how sports channels influence youngsters, including statistics, studies, or real-life examples could make your arguments more compelling and persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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