In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe that this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

#parts #world #coverage #sport #television #people #part

Whether live

sports

distracts youngsters from participating in

sports

in real life is a matter of debate. In my view, participating in various

sports

is much more beneficial than just watching them on

although

watching a few

games

doesn’t hurt either. In

this

essay, I will discuss and present my view.

First,

let’s begin with the fact that many

sports

channels broadcast live sporting competitions, and in many countries, there are ongoing tournaments. These days, young people are passionate about many

sports

but hardly engage in outdoor

sports

Instead

, they prefer

sports

channels as part of their entertainment rather than as an encouragement for developing their sportsmanship skill. The non-stop

sports

on television

also

discourage youngsters from becoming athletes themselves.

For instance

, more than half my college friends are huge fans of international

sports

such

as cricket and football but their experience with these

games

is minimal. They are much better critics of these

games

than they are players.

Sports

channels are not the only cause of

this

decline. The growth of video

games

and the availability of gaming consoles have

also

contributed to

this

decline.

In addition

, parents are

also

responsible for

this

degradation.

While

parents should have encouraged children to play outdoor

games

, they buy

games

, and consoles for their kids. In conclusion, the reluctance to play

games

rather than watch

sports

has been kindled by the endless sporting programs on

, parents' apathy, and widespread access to gaming devices. No doubt

sports

can be a good way to enjoy our favourite team's performance, but youngsters should not watch it all day long, and they

also

should play the

sports

themselves.

Submitted by trungnh283 on Sun Feb 18 2024

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task achievement

You presented a balanced view effectively, but ensure all your points directly support your main argument to enhance clarity. Avoid deviating into topics such as video games and parental influence unless they directly relate to your argument on sports broadcasting's impact.

coherence & cohesion

Your essay has a good logical flow, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. To further improve, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that announces the paragraph’s main idea, making it easier for readers to follow your argument.

task achievement

Support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention how sports channels influence youngsters, including statistics, studies, or real-life examples could make your arguments more compelling and persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe that this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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