IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Scientist agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damanging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by education people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss buth view and give your opinion.

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many communities assume that
this
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 problem can be addressed by teaching the
community
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while
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 others question its practicality. Personally,
this
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 writer doubts the effectiveness of education in dealing with
this
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 issue. It must be acknowledged that education can raise the
community
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's awareness about the harmful impact of
junk
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food
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 on their health.
This
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 approach can be conducted by showing the bad impact of
junk
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food
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such
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 as diabetes, cardiovascular disease and osteoporosis.
As a result
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, if
people
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 realize the negative impact of
junk
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food
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 on their health, they will restrict eating them.
However
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, some individuals believe that
this
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 habit is ineffective.
For
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this
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 reason,
this
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 approach only works with
people
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 who are open-minded.
Therefore
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, it is only effective with the majority of the
community
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 and cannot be applied on a large scale. Research conducted by dieticians shows that after warning students about the impacts of
junk
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food
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, many
people
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 still consume that
food
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 because they cannot resist their carving. Personally,
this
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 writer doubts the effectiveness of
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 method. Today, the
community
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 appreciate productivity and they have to work hard and have less time to prepare
food
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 themselves.
Therefore
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, eating fast
food
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 helps them to save and have more time for other activities. To illustrate
this
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, many
people
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 admit that they usually buy fast
food
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 for breakfast and eat it
while
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 travelling to work to save time. In conclusion, education can be used to mitigate the negative effects of fast
food
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 on a
community
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’s health but
this
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 technique is not always true with all society.
Therefore
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,
this
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 writer concludes that
this
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 habit should not be used on a large scale

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Introduction
Make sure your introduction provides a clear overview of both viewpoints discussed in your essay. This will set the stage for a more balanced discussion and make your argument clearer.
Examples
You should include more examples to support your points. Providing specific, relevant examples helps to clarify your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Structure
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences and logical transitions. This will enhance the flow of your essay and improve its coherence.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points of the essay and reflect on both viewpoints discussed. Make sure it ties back to the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
Overall
The essay provides a clear opinion on the issue and attempts to discuss both viewpoints.
Content
You have identified multiple impacts of junk food on health (diabetes, cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis) which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Engagement
Your writing demonstrates an effort to address the prompt and engage with the issue from different perspectives.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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