IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children start school at 7 while others start school at 4. Does starting school at a young age have more advantages than disadvantages?

#children #school #age
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There are some 7-year-old
children
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 who go to
school
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,
while
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 others start their first
education
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 earlier when they become 4 years old worldwide.
While
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 entering
school
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 at a young age will need both financial support from the government and adequate care for
children
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, I have a significantly positive attitude to starting
school
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 at 4, in terms of enhancing
children
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's communication
skills
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 and broadening their knowledge.
Firstly
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, one of the major challenges in providing
school
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education
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 to younger
children
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 is the budget in the country.
In other words
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, as the period of
education
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 becomes longer, the government needs to allocate sufficient money to
this
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 educational system, balancing the priority of other improvements which should be considered,
such
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 as a healthcare system and industrial developments.
In addition
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, it might be a concern that young
children
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 feel tiredness and increased stress
due to
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 daily classes, compared to a more relaxing life staying at home with their parents.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 the budget and
children
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's stress would be tackled, the
education
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 in
school
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 which starts at a young age significantly benefits the immense enhancement of
children
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's
skills
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, including communication
skills
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 and physical strength.
For example
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,
this
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 system offers more opportunities to talk with classmates and teachers in person, which improves individuals' social
skills
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.
Furthermore
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, as they have great ability in memory, starting to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a younger stage would broaden and enhance their knowledge more effectively.
In addition
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, attending daily classes, including a physical exercise class, contributes to organising young students' lifestyles in a regular manner.
Consequently
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,
this
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 regularity leads
children
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 to good health. In summary,
while
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 the financial arrangement by the governments and adequate care for
children
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 by parents is crucial, I believe that starting
school
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 at a younger age brings considerably positive results in
children
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's various
skills
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 and broadening knowledge.
Submitted by taekojb77 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure greater variety in linking phrases to demonstrate more sophisticated cohesion and coherence in your argument structure.
Task Response
Integrate more precise, varied vocabulary that closely relates to the topic to add depth to your response.
Task Response
Provide more specific, contextual examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the relevancy and comprehensiveness of your essay.
Task Response
Pay attention to the balance of advantages and disadvantages in your essay for a well-rounded exploration of the topic.
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