IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology
It is argued that today’s digital advancement has helped
people
 doing than shopping.
However
, some
people
 state the opposite. In my opinion, despite shopping online ca facilitate a lot, it has many negative affects as well. And in order to prevent
such
 harms the costumer needs to be careful with choosing the right website. On the one hand, using modern technology is way beneficial and helpful in terms of saving time and energy
for example
, before,
people
 used to go to shopping malls spending hours searching for their favorite items, which usually drained their energy going shop to shop even sometimes it would make them to go to two or three shopping centers when they wouldn’t find what they exactly wanted but nowadays
this
 problem is solved by our computers. It takes only two to five minutes by only entering on a specific brand’s website ordering on your laptop sitting in your home.
On the other hand
, regardless of all these advantages by shopping online
people
 get deceived buying their goods. Nowadays, programmers make thousands of fake. and cheat on costumer by selling copied material with the price equal to the original one.
Additionally
, through internet ordering clothes is
also
 a big challenge.
For example
, sometimes what you order has sizes but not the standard size,
therefore
, at the same number of our size it comes out to be small or big which is not less than losing your money on the road. In conclusion, getting advantage of today’s technology is favorable,
however
, sometimes it is just waste of money. In my view point, it is totally avoidable not to be by wrong source, just by paying a little bit attention
while
 choosing the official website with standard products.
Submitted by zaky987.zaky on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task achievement, aim to provide a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion. Ensure that your examples are specific, relevant, and clearly support your argument on both sides.
coherence and cohesion
For higher coherence and cohesion, work on creating clearer connections between your paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
logical structure
To enhance logical structure, plan your essay carefully to ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarise your main points effectively in your conclusion.
introduction and conclusion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but could be strengthened. Clearly outline your opinion in the introduction and recap your main arguments in the conclusion to make your position unmistakable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: