In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parent's home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, young
people
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in different countries decide to live in their own
house
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or share a
house
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with
friends
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instead
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of living at their family home.
This
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issue has two sides to discuss. One of the biggest positive developments of staying in sharing the
house
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with
friends
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is it makes young
people
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independent, and self-sufficient in all matters. When they come out without parents, they need to deal with problems alone and learn many things from
friends
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, and society.
That is
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a good chance for them to become mature.
Moreover
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, sharing a
house
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creates a comfortable environment. Many students can not match with family
then
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they can avoid some issues about family like generational differences, arguments,... But in sharing a
house
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they can meet
people
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who have frequency matching with them.
However
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, the issue of leaving their parent's home to live in a shared
house
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has some negative development.
Firstly
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, the lack of connection with family is quite popular among young
people
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who live in shared houses. Because they may be busy with homework, playing with their friend, or other things
then
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they can forget family.
For example
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, a part of young
people
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rarely meeting parents
in
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each year cause some private reasons.
Secondly
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, they have to spend money on sharing the
house
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. It creates a financial burden to young
people
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then
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many students need to find a job and work
in
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many hours
instead
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of focusing on studying. In conclusion, living in sharing
house
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with
friends
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has positive and negative developments but depends on individual choice. And we need to have smart choices, suitable for us.

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task achievement
Work on providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states your position on whether this trend is positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and that each idea flows logically into the next to improve coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your main points, which will strengthen your arguments.
content
You have effectively highlighted both sides of the issue, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
language
Your use of vocabulary and expressions is mostly appropriate, which aids in expressing your thoughts clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • life skills
  • budgeting
  • time management
  • social skills
  • conflict resolution
  • financial challenges
  • utilities
  • emotional well-being
  • homesickness
  • support system
  • cultural norms
  • inter-generational conflicts
  • academic performance
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