Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

One of the most pungent issues these days relates to how young

children

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deal with technology, specifically

smartphones

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this

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case. From my personal experiences, I believe that

this

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problem is

due to

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some causes like the addictive effect and the environment.

Also

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, I would reckon that

this

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matter is more likely to be a long-lasting negative affection. First of all, problems like

this

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are not new. Yet, it hasn’t been figured out a more suitable solution and addiction is one of the major reasons. In actuality, addiction to something is difficult to escape,

for instance

Linking Words

, drugs or alcohol.

Therefore

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smartphones

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are no exception as they can keep appealing to you with various entertaining content.

Besides

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children

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are often known for their uncontrollable or not-so-thorough understanding of what might result afterwards. On second thought, the environment is another impacted factor in why

children

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overuse their

phones

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This

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element consists of inappropriate parenting, and fear of missing out,… and because of

such

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tempting surroundings, it

finally

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drives them to more hours on

smartphones

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For example

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, imagine you are responsible for caring for your

children

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then

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paying attention to their activities, especially on

phones

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would definitely be a must to do since there are some inappropriate videos or information online that might strongly affect their thinking. Another unavoidable case is that in

this

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modern era,

phones

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are basically everywhere. Kids are facilitated to

use

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it and without one, a child tends to feel like they are being left behind, which eventually leads to plenty of negative emotions or states.

However

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this

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situation might

also

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be seen as advantageous.

Children

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were required to study online during the COVID-19 lockdown, and it was imperative that they

use

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their

smartphones

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or other comparable devices for

this

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purpose. Online courses have emerged as a viable educational option because of their efficiency and convenience during the lockdown.

Consequently

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, cell

phones

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are used for both entertainment and studying.

In particular

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, even

children

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may now

use

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smartphones

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with great ease and convenience. The installed apps enable kids to pick up new languages and abilities. Kids can be entertained and educated by watching movies, playing games, and listening to music. In summary, using a smartphone without proper control will clearly waste time and prevent you from having chances to experience realistic situations. That’s why in my opinion, I have thoroughly acknowledged that overusing any types of technological devices

besides

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phones

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gives off more downsides than the pros. To be more precise, whether the smartphone, a wonderful invention by humankind, appears to be beneficial or detrimental depending on how we make

use

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of it.

jakelong16091994

Feb 19, 2024

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Task Achievement

For task response, make sure all parts of the question are answered comprehensively. It is good that you addressed both sides of the argument, but ensuring your examples are more specific and directly linked to your argument will help strengthen your position.

Task Achievement

Develop your main ideas more thoroughly with specific examples and clearer explanations. Detailing how smartphones impact children, with more focused examples, will make your argument stronger.

Coherence and Cohesion

Organize your essay more effectively by clearly separating your ideas into paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a single main idea, supported by detailed examples or reasons.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the logical flow of your essay by using a range of cohesive devices appropriately. While you have a good structure, enhancing the connections between your ideas will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

433 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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