IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

task 2: Internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how others live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#internet #technology #people #travel #countries
One school of thought holds that travelling to other
countries
 to stimulate experiences about their
natives'
Fix the agreement mistake
native'
show examples
 lives is no longer necessary
due to
 the development of
Internet
 technology.
While
 acknowledging the reasons behind
this
 sentiment, I would contend that
people
 still need to explore foreign nations via face-to-face experience. Granted, there are good grounds for the belief that
people
's demand to make travels to various
countries
 become unnecessary thanks to the advancements in technology.
For the
Change preposition
The
show examples
Internet
 plays a guiding role in not only performing its users in every corner of the Earth via simple manipulations, but
also
 giving destinations profound insights
such
 as ethnicities, national customs, and their specialities.
This
 facilitates
people
's experience and knowledge about these places.
In addition
, for those who cannot afford to make foreign trips show
desire
Add an article
a desire
the desire
show examples
 to travel, the
Internet
 can offer a much more reasonable and optimal solution. That said, online travellers do not pay any charge for accommodation, modes of transportation, food and other sub-fees, as the resources on the
Internet
 can be freely accessible.
Thus
, financial problems are not burdensome to the monetary conscience. Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, I am convinced that travelling in reality to other nations still plays a pivotal role.
This
 first rationale is that the opportunities to try special foods, which is attributed to the diversity of visitors' experience, in foreign
countries
 cannot be felt via the screen.
For example
, some Vietnamese traditional dishes namely "nem thinh" and "che buoi hoa nhai" are not ubiquitous and once foreigners wish to try these, they have to come to Vietnam.
Furthermore
, visiting another country can have a positive effect in boosting the learning language ability of
people
, especially children being born in
this
 globalization area which requires them to have comprehensive literacy to interpret information written in another language than their mother tones and to effectively communicate. Coming to foreign
countries
 means bringing
people
 to
adifferent
Correct your spelling
a different
different
 context of a society where they interact with
the
Correct your spelling
each
show examples
 other in a general language and can receive useful suggestions to improve their communication skills. In conclusion,
while
 there are justifications for the belief that the
Internet
 enables
people
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to travel to different
countries
, I would argue that travelling to other
countries
 is necessary.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

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relevant specific examples
Consider adding a few more specific examples to support your points more robustly, particularly in the first body paragraph.
clear comprehensive ideas
Check for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to further polish your essay. Phrases like 'performing its users' should be rephrased for clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea.
complete response
You provide a balanced argument, acknowledging both sides of the debate before concluding with your own opinion, which strengthens your task achievement.
logical structure
Your ideas are clear and logically presented, making it easy to follow your arguments.
supported main points
The essay includes relevant examples and evidence to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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