Using computers for a long time may have a lot of negative effects on children so it should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is undoubtedly true that technology has prevailed throughout the world at an alarming speed. The majority of kids make longer use of
this
automation Linking Words
such
as computers or laptops which has a bad impact on their health. I adamantly agree with Linking Words
this
statement. In Linking Words
this
essay, I will discuss reasons why it becomes dangerous for offspring if they make adoption of Linking Words
this
for more than expected.
To commence with the first reason why it is not good for juveniles if they do not utilize it in a limited way because Linking Words
this
has a bad impact on their studies schedule. To elaborate on Linking Words
this
, the excessive usage of computers Linking Words
such
as playing games on display for a longer time makes the youngsters addicted to it so juveniles become unable to give appropriate attention to their academics. Linking Words
For example
, in the Western world, the majority of offspring adopt technology during the day Linking Words
due to
the unavailability of their parents at home parents are mostly busy with schedules Linking Words
due to
their office work and they are unable to provide appropriate time for their offspring to show them a career path.
Linking Words
Moreover
, the use of big screens or laptops has a vulnerable impact on their eyesight Linking Words
as well as
on their health. To explain Linking Words
this
, when children pay more attention to a big screen without any intervals that may produce strain under the eyes Linking Words
this
Linking Words
further
leads to discomfort in their sleeping pattern so they always feel tired Linking Words
while
sleeping. Linking Words
For instance
, a survey conducted by WHO revealed that 7 kids out of 10 suffer from stress when they over-practice big screens. Linking Words
Therefore
, Linking Words
this
overuse of computers leads children to other chronic diseases Linking Words
such
as a sense of isolation or obesity.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
, the practice of automation or technology devices is imperative for education or the development of strong academics, I believe that the use of big screens should be limited. To make it limited, parents have to make more focus towards the schedule of usage of computer.Linking Words
Submitted by jagdeepsandhu8912 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a reasonable logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are both clear and directly address the essay question. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, but make sure your introduction also succinctly presents your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Support your main points with more detailed and relevant examples. While you have provided some examples, deepening and expanding on these with more precise details will strengthen your argument further.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Consider rephrasing complex sentences for clarity and avoid overly broad statements without specific substantiation.