There is a lot of pressure on young people today to success academically.as a result some people believe that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children concentrate on academic work
There is an intense debate about the efficiency of practical materials in the education strategies.
However
, some experiments argue that, these articles must be revealed from curriculum. Another group go beyond that these materials has a crucial role in the child mentality. I totally agree with latter view.
On one hand, the initial scholars discuss that additionals themes ought to lead puplis to be misleading. For instance
, matters like arts, cooking,sports science...etc do not need to know it in kindergartens. What is more, the teaching of these items constitutes an additional burden to student. Instead
of focusing on specific materials, the effort of the students are distributing in more and more articles which they do not need it in the future. For this
reasons, the previous gathering invite to omit any further
details from the education system.
On the other side, an another scientists invoked the non_academic subjects are the most important factors in the process of educating kids. For example
, a lot of non_academic careers in the universal currently such
as sports , singing, cooking...etc. Moreover
, extracurricular activities play a crucial role in the building of students character and contribute to discovery the intelligent students. Furthermore
, these articles are important and do not require a more effort from the children.
To sum up
, l totally agreed with the latter view, in spite of the reasonable evidence admitted by the first group. I believe that the non_academic activity has the same significance as the other subjects and the schools must preserve study this
subjects.Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on
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coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay could benefit from a stronger thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion that echoes the main arguments more distinctly. This strengthens the reader's understanding of your stance and the integrity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a bit in logical structure due to some disorganization in presenting arguments. Consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs (e.g., 'However', 'On the contrary') and within paragraphs to link ideas more smoothly. This will help the reader follow the argumentation more easily.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, the response could be more comprehensive by exploring the implications of removing non-academic subjects more deeply. Discuss both the short-term and long-term effects to provide a more thorough analysis.
task achievement
To enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, aim to provide more specific examples and evidence supporting each point. Generic statements weaken the overall argument. Detailed examples add to the persuasive power and credibility of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, proofreading to correct spelling and usage errors will polish your essay significantly.
Your opinion
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