There is a lot of pressure on young people today to success academically.as a result some people believe that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children concentrate on academic work

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There is an intense debate about the efficiency of practical materials in the education strategies.

However

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, some experiments argue that, these articles must be revealed from curriculum. Another group go beyond that these materials has a crucial role in the child mentality. I totally agree with latter view. On one hand, the initial scholars discuss that additionals themes ought to lead puplis to be misleading.

For instance

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, matters like arts, cooking,sports science...etc do not need to know it in kindergartens. What is more, the teaching of these items constitutes an additional burden to student.

Instead

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of focusing on specific materials, the effort of the students are distributing in more and more articles which they do not need it in the future. For

this

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reasons, the previous gathering invite to omit any

further

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details from the education system. On the other side, an another scientists invoked the non_academic subjects are the most important factors in the process of educating kids.

For example

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, a lot of non_academic careers in the universal currently

such

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as sports , singing, cooking...etc.

Moreover

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, extracurricular activities play a crucial role in the building of students character and contribute to discovery the intelligent students.

Furthermore

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, these articles are important and do not require a more effort from the children.

To sum up

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, l totally agreed with the latter view, in spite of the reasonable evidence admitted by the first group. I believe that the non_academic activity has the same significance as the other subjects and the schools must preserve study

this

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subjects.

mohammedelhassan811Mon Feb 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

A clear introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay could benefit from a stronger thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion that echoes the main arguments more distinctly. This strengthens the reader's understanding of your stance and the integrity of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a bit in logical structure due to some disorganization in presenting arguments. Consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs (e.g., 'However', 'On the contrary') and within paragraphs to link ideas more smoothly. This will help the reader follow the argumentation more easily.

task achievement

While the essay addresses the topic, the response could be more comprehensive by exploring the implications of removing non-academic subjects more deeply. Discuss both the short-term and long-term effects to provide a more thorough analysis.

task achievement

To enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, aim to provide more specific examples and evidence supporting each point. Generic statements weaken the overall argument. Detailed examples add to the persuasive power and credibility of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, proofreading to correct spelling and usage errors will polish your essay significantly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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There is a lot of pressure on young people today to success academically.as a result some people believe that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children concentrate on academic work

Your opinion

Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free times. This can benefit teenagers and benefit the community as well. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Many people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss Both Views and Give Your Opinion

At present, the media affects people’s lives significantly. What impact does this have on society? Is it a negative or positive development?