There is a lot of pressure on young people today to success academically.as a result some people believe that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children concentrate on academic work

#pressure #people #success #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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There is an intense debate about the efficiency of practical materials in the education strategies.

However

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, some experiments argue that, these articles must be revealed from curriculum. Another group go beyond that these materials has a crucial role in the child mentality. I totally agree with latter view. On one hand, the initial scholars discuss that additionals themes ought to lead puplis to be misleading.

For instance

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, matters like arts, cooking,sports science...etc do not need to know it in kindergartens. What is more, the teaching of these items constitutes an additional burden to student.

Instead

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of focusing on specific materials, the effort of the students are distributing in more and more articles which they do not need it in the future. For

this

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reasons, the previous gathering invite to omit any

further

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details from the education system. On the other side, an another scientists invoked the non_academic subjects are the most important factors in the process of educating kids.

For example

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, a lot of non_academic careers in the universal currently

such

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as sports , singing, cooking...etc.

Moreover

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, extracurricular activities play a crucial role in the building of students character and contribute to discovery the intelligent students.

Furthermore

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, these articles are important and do not require a more effort from the children.

To sum up

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, l totally agreed with the latter view, in spite of the reasonable evidence admitted by the first group. I believe that the non_academic activity has the same significance as the other subjects and the schools must preserve study

this

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subjects.

Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on Mon Feb 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

A clear introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay could benefit from a stronger thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion that echoes the main arguments more distinctly. This strengthens the reader's understanding of your stance and the integrity of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a bit in logical structure due to some disorganization in presenting arguments. Consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs (e.g., 'However', 'On the contrary') and within paragraphs to link ideas more smoothly. This will help the reader follow the argumentation more easily.

task achievement

While the essay addresses the topic, the response could be more comprehensive by exploring the implications of removing non-academic subjects more deeply. Discuss both the short-term and long-term effects to provide a more thorough analysis.

task achievement

To enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, aim to provide more specific examples and evidence supporting each point. Generic statements weaken the overall argument. Detailed examples add to the persuasive power and credibility of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, proofreading to correct spelling and usage errors will polish your essay significantly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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There is a lot of pressure on young people today to success academically.as a result some people believe that non academic subjects such as physical education and cookery should be removed from the school syllabus so that children concentrate on academic work

Your opinion

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The school library is seeking applicants for a job over summer break. Write a letter to the library’s manager, in your letter include: – A brief introduction of yourself – Your experience and relevant skills – Why you want the job