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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Shopping is now one of the most famous forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What is the reason? Is it positive or negative?

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It is clear that
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 every youngster spends the majority of their leisure time shopping as it can relieve stress and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 people happy.
However
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, I believe an exception should be made for youngsters since they have no stable income. The main reason for
this
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 habit is the convenience of shopping has become some plausible rationale behind the popularity of shopping. It is very possible to buy anything from anywhere only through online sites;
moreover
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, teenagers are dominating
this
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 world and there are no obstacles for them.
For example
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, Nike products are cheaper if we buy them from Singapore stores and not all of the collections are available in Indonesia, but one can easily get these things by purchasing them from
website
Add an article
the website
a website
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.
In addition
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, the products are affordable for those who do not have outstanding income.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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 becoming a shopaholic at
such
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 a young age since they do not have stable wages yet. They tend to spend lots of money on
this
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 than they should;
consequently
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,
possibility
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the possibility
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 of them being involved in crimes is increasing.
For instance
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, a young woman scammed hundreds of individuals by selling fake Coldplay concert tickets and used that to buy luxury bags from high-end brands
likewise
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 Gucci, and Chanel.
Thus
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, if they give too much attention to
this
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 lifestyle, they will forget about their main priorities and jeopardize their future. In conclusion, despite the satisfaction that people get from
this
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 habit, it will lead young people to make bad behaviours and decisions.
Therefore
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, I am firmly convinced that we should be mature enough to have
this
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 lifestyle.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with diversified vocabulary and structures, showcasing your language range.
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Thoroughly address the question asked by clearly stating your opinion and discussing both views (if the question demands) before presenting a well-reasoned conclusion.
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Provide specific examples to support your arguments. This can make your ideas more persuasive and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
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It's important to proofread your essay to check for any grammatical errors or typos, as these can distract from your argument and reduce the clarity of your communication.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Marketing strategies
  • E-commerce
  • Proliferation
  • Socializing
  • Self-expression
  • Identity formation
  • Materialism
  • Instant gratification
  • Trendy
  • Leisure activity
  • Frequent purchases
  • Accessible
  • Convenient
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