IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People who do not use social media networks will always fail behind in career development opportunities To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

#people #media #networks #career #development #opportunities #prediction
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Social
media
Use synonyms
 plays a critical role in our lives, especially it will give a number of advantages both socially and professionally if we can
use
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 it effectively.
However
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, it does not seem to make sense if the condition of ‘always’ applies to all the people who do not
use
Use synonyms
 it since it is not the only way people’s careers fall behind.
Firstly
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,
career
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 progression relies on many factors, not only on social
media
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. As we know to qualify for a specific job, there are wide range of requirements that we must fit in. It can from an education degree, and professional certification, to years of experience. All of
that is
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 to prove our knowledge and skills. Take an example from a biomedical scientist who took so many years to learn and improve their skill through professional education and training or a software engineer who built their skills and portfolios over the years. In
this
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 case, social
media
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 can be a channel to build their
career
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 branding but can not define them as a professional worker. It can help them to spread information to the world about who they are.
Secondly
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,
career
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 development opportunities not only rely on knowledge that you gain from formal school but
also
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 require interpersonal skills,
such
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 as problem-solving, critical and analytical thinking, negotiation, public speaking, and many more. Proving that we mix and apply all we have to the real case in real life and social
media
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 can not help with it.
Last
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,
besides
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 the advantages, social
media
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 can be a turn-down for your
career
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. Big companies always have regulations regarding what and how employees share and act on social
media
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 since it can affect companies' image. Sensitive information that employees share without permission may be turned into layoffs.
To conclude
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, the
use
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 of social
media
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 depends on the particular people and wise
use
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 plays a useful role in
career
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 progression but not always.
However
Linking Words
, personal skill and knowledge are the main
role
Change the noun form
roles
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 how people will develop their careers.
Submitted by fidya on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure your essay directly addresses the question posed, offering a clear opinion or stance in the introduction and restating it in the conclusion for emphasis. Further, while you provide relevant examples and thorough explanations, increasing the specificity of your examples and linking them more explicitly to the prompt can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on ensuring a smooth flow between paragraphs and within them. This can be achieved by utilizing a wider range of connectives and transitional phrases. While your essay demonstrates a good structure, making these connections clearer can guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance the readability and dynamism of your prose.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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