some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development

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Usage of electronic gadgets including mobile

phones

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has become common among

children

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. They are spending hours on these devices for various purposes which I will discuss later in the essay.

However

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, in my opinion, it’s a totally negative development, and in

this

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essay, I will explain some reasons supporting my opinion.

Children

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are spending more

time

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on mobile

phones

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for various reasons. These devices have become mandatory in many schools, where students are required to use them for tasks

such

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as learning art and practicing music through recommended websites.

consequently

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, they spend more

time

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on these exercises than on actual studies.

Besides

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this

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, multiple ads pop up on their screens which promote games and other entertainment apps. They downloaded those apps from the Play Store and started to play them.

Furthermore

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, platforms

such

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as TikTok and YouTube serve as additional sources of distraction, capturing

children

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’s attention for extended periods.

However

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this

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continuous reliance on smartphones has led to significant detrimental effects.

Firstly

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, they become addicted to games which are harmful to their health and affect their cognitive abilities

also

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. Blue

whale challenge

Correct your spelling

Whale Challenge

show examples

for instance

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, the game, first became popular in China among young people, where they had to attempt different tasks assigned by the application.

Due to

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the extreme effects of the Blue Whale game on

children

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's minds, deaths have been reported, with some

children

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attempting suicide because they believe it is part of the game.

Additionally

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, these activities

also

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divert their mind from their studies.

nevertheless

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, parents need to look after their

children

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and activities and must adjust screen

time

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on all mobile

phones

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. In conclusion,

children

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are spending more

time

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on mobile

phones

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Consequently

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this

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diverts their mind from studies and affects their mental health

also

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. In my opinion,

this

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is a negative development. So, parents need to look after their

children

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's activities.

sadiahussain028Tue Feb 20 2024

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coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a single clear focus, potentially by starting with a topic sentence that summarises the paragraph's main idea.

coherence cohesion

Try to link your ideas more smoothly using a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as 'moreover', 'in addition', 'on the other hand', to help your essay flow more naturally.

task achievement

Work on developing a more nuanced argument regarding the positive and negative aspects discussed. This can be achieved by exploring both sides of the issue in a balanced manner and providing more detailed examples to support your points.

task achievement

Avoid using examples that are not widely recognized or might be seen as extreme without proper evidence (e.g., Blue Whale game). Instead, opt for more general examples that clearly support your argument.

task achievement

Ensure that the essay remains focused on the question. It's important to address directly both aspects of the task: the reasons children spend so much time on smartphones and a well-argued opinion on whether this development is positive or negative.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

305 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development

In spite of advances make in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are important as to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is common nowadays for each member of the family to have their own piece of modern technology. Some people think this will lead to a breakdown in family relationships and communication. To what extent do you agree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantage of driverless vehicles outweight disadvantages?