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Band 3

In the future, nobody will buy printers newspaper or books because they will be able to read everything, they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#future #nobody #printers #newspaper #books
Nowadays, high weight in
children
 become a major problem for many reasons.
moreover
Capitalize word
Moreover
show examples
, in
this
 easy, I'm going. To tackle
this
 concerning issue
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
discuss the causes
impact
Change preposition
of impact
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 and find viable remedies. On the one hand,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 video games and sitting in front of the TV for a long
time
 are the main causes of obesity and other diseases .
Firstly
 ,the parents should set
schedule
Correct article usage
a schedule
show examples
 for the
children
 about the
time
 to watch the television and play games. To explain, the child needs to do some activities to improve their mind and his body by doing practical exercises.A recent research conducted by
suhar
Change the capitalization
Suhar
show examples
 University shows that 80% of
children
 who had physical exercise have healthy bodies.
Therefore
,joining the
children
 in the gym can help the
children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
ride from obesity and many other diseases
On the other hand
,many
children
 nowadays eat unhealthy fast food because their parents work for a long
time
 during the day.So in
this
 case, the parents should cook healthy food for their child during the weekend for all
weekday
Fix the agreement mistake
weekdays
show examples
.Another Solution is to let the child do some sports exercise,
for example
 ,playing football or riding a bike. In conclusion, most
children
 spend a long
time
 sitting on the sofa rather than going outside and walking.
Therefore
,
this
 essay shows that the main cause of obesity is the lack of exercise and bad eating habits.
Submitted by safia-93s on

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Introduction & Thesis Statement
Make sure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position on the issue. Consider a more structured approach where you explicitly state your thesis and outline the essay structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This will help your essay flow more smoothly and make your arguments more coherent.
Developing Arguments
Develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Pay attention to accurately addressing the essay prompt. The topic discussed does not directly address the prompt given. It's vital to stick to the theme and task requirements.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and easier to read.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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