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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some researchers believe that when a nation is already wealthy, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. I understand
this
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 problem to some extent, but I strongly disagree with it. On the one hand, I believe that money is not everything.
While
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 some individuals have enough money to enjoy their lives and meet all their basic needs, they still face challenges in their social relationships and
health
Use synonyms
 issues. Individuals in
this
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 position are generally not preoccupied with necessities
such
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 as food, as they possess adequate resources, including cars and housing.
Nevertheless
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, they face significant challenges related to
health
Use synonyms
 issues and the complexities of their social lives. A particular concern is the impact of terminal illness.
Furthermore
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, most wealthy nations have a significant gap between the rich and the poor.
As a result
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, the growth of a country's wealth may not lead to an increase in the income of the poor.
For instance
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, some individuals may not participate in the economy
due to
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 inadequate education and financial circumstances.
Due to
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 these circumstances, the rich remain wealthy
while
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 the poor become poorer.
Moreover
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, we are all equal when confronted with the same physical
health
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 issues or mental
health
Use synonyms
 challenges, particularly with intractable illnesses. In conclusion, we cannot deny that living in a wealthy nation has its benefits, particularly in terms of hospitality and a strong economy.
However
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, we must acknowledge that economic growth alone cannot satisfy all human needs, especially when the gap between the rich and the poor continues to linger.

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task achievement
Try to provide more examples to support your points. Examples make your ideas stronger.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help the flow of your essay.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and expands on it to improve clarity.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good.
task achievement
You effectively discuss the issue of wealth inequality, which adds depth to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic wealth
  • happiness
  • basic needs
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • satisfaction
  • hedonic adaptation
  • social connections
  • community involvement
  • personal fulfillment
  • opportunities
  • leisure activities
  • psychological phenomenon
  • diminishing returns
  • affluence
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