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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative developmen

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #developmen
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In
this
 era, many rural
people
 or individuals from
country sides
Correct your spelling
the countryside
show examples
 are moving to
cities
.
Hence
, the
population
 in the
cities
 are growing significantly. In my opinion,
this
 case has several negative aspects,
however
, it has some positive development as well. As mentioned, moving rural individuals to
cities
 has several negative developments.
Firstly
, since the
population
 in
cities
 would rise dramatically, the groceries in supermarkets and some
city
 facilities
such
 as hospitals, public transportation and
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 places
such
 as theme parks might get fully by these
people
.
Hence
, they will be out of
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
 for everyone.
Secondly
,
doe
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to the fact that rural
people
 are leaving their homes, the workers in offices and public places like hospitals in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 will get empty and useless.
Finally
, the
population
 in
cities
 will increase,
hence
, the amount of greenhouse gases
such
 as carbon dioxide will rise dramatically because of the more usage of cars and buses.
In addition
, nowadays the pollution in
cities
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 rising markedly because of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
 especially in capital
cities
.
However
,
although
 rural
people
 have suffered from the restrictions in
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 areas, they might help the
city
 development in several ways.
Firstly
, talented and worthy workers might come from those areas.
Secondly
, numerous verity of hard-working students will study in good schools and universities,
hence
, they can help the
city
 to make progress in tons of ways.
Overall
, despite rural individuals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moving to
cities
 and it has several aspects
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
city
, it has
also
 several positive aspects as well.
Submitted by amirkasrajahanmiri on

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task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should include clear opinions on whether the development is positive or negative, with the majority of your essay supporting this view.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. General statements should be supported by detailed examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's cohesion by linking ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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