IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative developmen

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #developmen
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In
this
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 era, many rural
people
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 or individuals from
country sides
Correct your spelling
the countryside
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 are moving to
cities
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.
Hence
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, the
population
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 in the
cities
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 are growing significantly. In my opinion,
this
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 case has several negative aspects,
however
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, it has some positive development as well. As mentioned, moving rural individuals to
cities
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 has several negative developments.
Firstly
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, since the
population
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 in
cities
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 would rise dramatically, the groceries in supermarkets and some
city
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 facilities
such
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 as hospitals, public transportation and
entertaining
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entertainment
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 places
such
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 as theme parks might get fully by these
people
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.
Hence
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, they will be out of
usage
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use
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 for everyone.
Secondly
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,
doe
Correct your spelling
due
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 to the fact that rural
people
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 are leaving their homes, the workers in offices and public places like hospitals in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 will get empty and useless.
Finally
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, the
population
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 in
cities
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 will increase,
hence
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, the amount of greenhouse gases
such
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 as carbon dioxide will rise dramatically because of the more usage of cars and buses.
In addition
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, nowadays the pollution in
cities
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 rising markedly because of the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
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 especially in capital
cities
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.
However
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,
although
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 rural
people
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 have suffered from the restrictions in
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 areas, they might help the
city
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 development in several ways.
Firstly
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, talented and worthy workers might come from those areas.
Secondly
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, numerous verity of hard-working students will study in good schools and universities,
hence
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, they can help the
city
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 to make progress in tons of ways.
Overall
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, despite rural individuals
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moving to
cities
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 and it has several aspects
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
city
Use synonyms
, it has
also
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 several positive aspects as well.
Submitted by amirkasrajahanmiri on

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task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should include clear opinions on whether the development is positive or negative, with the majority of your essay supporting this view.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. General statements should be supported by detailed examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your essay's cohesion by linking ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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