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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table gives information about railway system of 6 cities

The table gives information about railway system of 6 cities
#information #railway #system #cities
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The presented table illustrates the train system across 6
cities
Use synonyms
 in the world,
as well as
Linking Words
comparing
Wrong verb form
compares
show examples
 its
open
Replace the word
opening
show examples
 date, length of its
route
Use synonyms
 in
kilometres
Use synonyms
, and total
passengers
Use synonyms
 annually.
Overall
Linking Words
, London is the city with the oldest railway system,
while
Linking Words
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
Use synonyms
 is the newest. In terms of
number
Use synonyms
 of users, Tokyo has the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 compared to other five
cities
Use synonyms
. London,
as well as
Linking Words
 being the city
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 owns railways the longest,
also
Linking Words
 accounts for the longest
route
Use synonyms
 as long as 394
kilometres
Use synonyms
. It is followed by Paris,
Tokto
Correct your spelling
Tokyo
 and Washington which account for 199
kilometes
Correct your spelling
kilometres
, 155
kilometres
Use synonyms
, and 126
kilometres
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Railway
Fix the agreement mistake
Railways
show examples
 in Kyoto,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, despite being 20 years older than
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
Use synonyms
' train system, account for the shortest
route
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 with only 11
kilometres
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 17
kilometres
Use synonyms
 shorter compared to
Use synonyms
route
Correct article usage
the route
show examples
 in
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
Use synonyms
. Tokyo, Paris, and London are
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 with the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of annual
passengers
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. These three
cities
Use synonyms
 account for 1927, 1191, and 775
passengers
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, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, both Kyoto and
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
Use synonyms
 own the least
passanger
Correct your spelling
passenger
passengers
 per year with only 45 and 50, respectively.
Submitted by giskaayprd on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cities, route, kilometres, passengers, los, angeles, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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