IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think adverts control what we purchase ,while others think they are useful sources of information on products. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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In present times, when social media and entertainment platforms have a lot of influence on our everyday lives, adverts can be manipulative as to what we purchase. Some may
also
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 think that these are useful sources of information on
products
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. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both views followed by my take on the topic. On one the hand, people believe that adverts control what we purchase.
This
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 often leads to unnecessary expenditures. A lot of advertisements feature
products
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 that are not needed in our
day to day
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day-to-day
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 lives, but since these
products
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 are portrayed in a trendy manner, a lot of people buy
it
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them
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.
Furthermore
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, the use of beauty and glamour, through social media influencers or models, is
also
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 a common way to entice consumers into buying a product.
For instance
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, many brands advertise
for
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apply
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a
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apply
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regular
item
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items
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 at high prices, using these means. Young children and teenagers get easily influenced by
this
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 and may pester their parents to buy it for them.
On the other hand
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, advertisements can
also
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 be sources of information on
products
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.
Firstly
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, commercials can be beneficial to consumers as they keep them updated about the latest deals and bargains.
This
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 ensures the product
being
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is being
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 bought at the best and most reasonable prices.
Secondly
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, buyers could know about the latest
products
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 through commercials.
This
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 would help them browse through
products
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 and buy the latest product which matches their requirements
,
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 if they do not have the time to shop.
For instance
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, if a family wants to buy a television, they could know about the latest ones with the best deals through advertisements without actually going to a store. In conclusion, both
the
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views have their own upsides. In my opinion,
while
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 commercials do provide
the
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consumers with knowledge about the items, their ultimate aim is to manipulate buyers and cause unnecessary purchases and expenditure on
products
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 that are not needed.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the discussion and presents your opinion, but could be strengthened by providing a broader context or a definition of adverts.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph flows logically and the points are clearly linked. Using more cohesive devices could enhance the connections between ideas.
task achievement
While you have provided some examples, consider incorporating a few more relevant specifics or statistics to bolster your arguments.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument and given your opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is generally clear and easy to understand, with good overall structure in your paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuasive techniques
  • celebrity endorsements
  • catchy slogans
  • emotional appeals
  • materialistic culture
  • competitive pricing
  • consumer demand
  • brand loyalty
  • consumer behavior
  • innovations
  • informed choices
  • misleading claims
What to do next:
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