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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the changes in exports in HK billions between 2009 and 2010.

The table below shows the changes in exports in HK billions between 2009 and 2010.
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The table provides data about the
changes
Use synonyms
 in exports in HK billions in 2009 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2009 equipment had the highest
export
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2010 telecommunication had the highest
export
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. As can clearly be seen, in 2009 equipment had the highest
export
Use synonyms
 at 10,3
while
Linking Words
, metals had the lowest
export
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 at 2,3. The exports of clothing and manufacturing were pretty similar accounting for 6 and 5,5 respectively. In 2009 the
overall
Linking Words
 was 32, meanwhile, in 2010 the
overall
Linking Words
 was 38,4. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 telecommunication had the highest
export
Use synonyms
 accounting for 12,7
whereas
Linking Words
 manufacturing had the lowest
export
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 at 4. The exports of clothing and metal were quite similar accounting for 5 and 5,1 respectively. In terms of
changes
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, the
overall
Linking Words
 was 20 per cent. Metals had the highest
changes
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 in
export
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 accounting for 122 per cent,
whereas
Linking Words
 manufacturing had the lowest
changes
Use synonyms
 in
export
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 accounting for -27 per cent.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words changes, export with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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