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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the changes in exports in HK billions between 2009 and 2010.

The table below shows the changes in exports in HK billions between 2009 and 2010.
#changes #exports #hk #billions
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The table provides data about the
changes
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 in exports in HK billions in 2009 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2009 equipment had the highest
export
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2010 telecommunication had the highest
export
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. As can clearly be seen, in 2009 equipment had the highest
export
Use synonyms
 at 10,3
while
Linking Words
, metals had the lowest
export
Use synonyms
 at 2,3. The exports of clothing and manufacturing were pretty similar accounting for 6 and 5,5 respectively. In 2009 the
overall
Linking Words
 was 32, meanwhile, in 2010 the
overall
Linking Words
 was 38,4. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 telecommunication had the highest
export
Use synonyms
 accounting for 12,7
whereas
Linking Words
 manufacturing had the lowest
export
Use synonyms
 at 4. The exports of clothing and metal were quite similar accounting for 5 and 5,1 respectively. In terms of
changes
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, the
overall
Linking Words
 was 20 per cent. Metals had the highest
changes
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 in
export
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 accounting for 122 per cent,
whereas
Linking Words
 manufacturing had the lowest
changes
Use synonyms
 in
export
Use synonyms
 accounting for -27 per cent.
Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words changes, export with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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