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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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It is argued that humanity is facing its
population
Use synonyms
 rise as the greatest problem at the present time.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees completely with that statement and aims to showcase the reasons for
this
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 phenomenon. The prime reason for the increase in the global
population
Use synonyms
 is undoubtedly related to the enhancement of healthcare. It is conspicuous that the healthcare system in several countries has improved a lot during the
last
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 decades.Indeed, new breakthroughs in medicine and modern policy concerning the management of severe diseases helped to broaden life expectancy.
For example
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, people who were currently dying because of cancers or basic infections have a better life expectancy now, thanks to major medical progress. If
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
 claim that
this
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 evolution may be harmful to humanity because the more we are, the more difficult it is to provide resources for everyone, it is crystal clear that there are many benefits associated with an overwhelming
population
Use synonyms
.In fact, human is considered the engine of the world and of our modern civilisation.
This
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 is because people are the ones who produce through their work and consume at the same time.In
this
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 way, the correct statement we should consider is "the more we are , the more we can produce".
Hence
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, nations that feature the most important inhabitants are the most powerful.The fact is that they manufacture a huge amount of goods that they consume at the same time, which leads to consequential economic growth. In conclusion, the surge in the
population
Use synonyms
 is mainly
due to
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 the improvement of our healthcare system
as well as
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 the scientific progress in medicine.
However
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, it is crystal clear that
instead
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 of considering that phenomenon as negative, human beings should benefit from it.

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task achievement
While the essay presents a complete response to the task, consider addressing more potential causes of population rise to offer a more comprehensive view.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on the benefits you associate with an increasing population, ensuring they are clear and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly to the next, using a wider range of linking words to aid cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents an organized structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The explanations for the rise of the population are well-supported and relevant to the task question.
coherence and cohesion
Your arguments showcase a strong logical structure, particularly in discussing the benefits of a larger population.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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