IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that museums and art galleries should concentrate on the works of their own countries instead of the works of art from other parts of the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A growing number of people believe that museums and galleries should focus on national works rather than art from other nations. In my opinion, I believe that more attention should be given to representing local art in various settings.
To begin
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 with, museums play a vital role in preserving the national identity of a country. Globalization has made it increasingly difficult to celebrate and sustain cultural
heritage
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. Many people, especially younger generations, tend to follow international trends
instead
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 of appreciating their local art
due to
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 limited exposure. By highlighting traditional and historical works, museums can rekindle national pride and cultural awareness.
For example
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, many galleries in China have created dedicated spaces to showcase ancient calligraphy and local crafts, helping visitors develop a deeper connection with their
heritage
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. Another point to mention is that authorities should allocate funds to help develop various cultural sites.
In other words
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, introducing projects and infrastructure that promote historical areas will make cultural
heritage
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 more accessible and engaging.
Furthermore
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, creating interactive activities for schoolchildren and families can boost public interest and help preserve local folklore.
For instance
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, in Cairo, investments in the entertainment and tourism sectors have led to the development of
heritage
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-themed attractions,
such
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 as replicas of ancient boats and pyramid structures. These initiatives both educate and entertain, ensuring cultural traditions are passed on. In conclusion, I agree that authorities should invest in local arts in various settings to
further
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 promote and sustain the cultural
heritage
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 of the country.
This
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 will help build a stronger sense of identity and pride among citizens.

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Task Response
While the essay presents a clear viewpoint and is well-structured, it could benefit from a stronger counterargument to acknowledge opposing viewpoints more directly. This would enhance the overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking phrases and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, phrases like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'on the other hand' can help clarify relationships between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion and sets the stage for the argument, which is very effective. The conclusion succinctly reinforces the main idea, making it clear and impactful.
Task Achievement
Examples provided, such as the initiatives in China and Cairo, are relevant and support the main arguments well, illustrating how local art can be promoted.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • National identity
  • Creative economy
  • Artistic diversity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Global perspective
  • Art curation
  • Nationalist pride
  • Tourist attraction
  • Cultural preservation
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