IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some country, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#country #home #people #be #case #situation
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It is crucial for people in many countries to own a
home
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of renting one.
Although
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 buying a personal
house
Use synonyms
 causes both positive and negative impacts.But,I personally believe that it is important for everyone to have their own residence.
Home
Use synonyms
 is a basic need for human beings.
As everyone
Correct word choice
Everyone
show examples
 wants to return
home
Use synonyms
 after their busy day.If it is personal,there will be more satisfaction.
To begin
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 with,in their own
house
Use synonyms
,there is freedom to decorate their habitation.
For example
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, children can embellish their room with their favourite costumes.
For example
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, girls prefer to see their room in
Correct article usage
a cinderella
show examples
cinderella
Capitalize word
Cinderella
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 theme,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,boys are more interested in Spiderman.Not only the younger members but
also
Linking Words
 older members can do it.
Secondly
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, a personal
home
Use synonyms
 is an asset which will support the rest of your life.
Last
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 but not least,It is the emotional place which remains memories after death.That's why it is said that
livingin
Correct your spelling
living in
apoor-quality
Correct your spelling
a poor-quality
poor-quality
house
Use synonyms
 but owning is better than other luxurious houses.
Furthermore
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, it is necessary in some countries to have own
house
Use synonyms
.As the renting value is a high price which makes life more complicated.
Thus
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,the government support them
loans
Change preposition
with loans
show examples
,and
as a result
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, people try to achieve it at any cost. But the tendency of owning a
house
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is sometimes the reason for unhappiness. Because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people take a loan which is turning
double
Replace the word
doubles
show examples
 within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years.In some cases,if someone dies leaving a big amount of
house
Use synonyms
 loan, it leads the family to a worse situation. So,it is the burden of the middle-class family. In conclusion, the negative impact of owning a
home
Use synonyms
 may be overcome.
Thus
Linking Words
,a personal
house
Use synonyms
 is a place of sound mind.So,It's a great decision to get it.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

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Task Response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the question clearly. While you've discussed the importance of owning a home and some consequences, expand on why this is considered important in some countries and further discuss the positives and negatives with more detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of ideas. Transition sentences can help link paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. Consider using signposting language like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' more effectively to guide the reader.
Task Response
To enhance your essay, provide more specific examples to support your main points. Rather than general statements, use real-life scenarios or hypothetical examples that vividly illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of owning a home.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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