IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You have recently moved to a new apartment. Write a letter to a friend. In your letter: explain why you have moved describe your new apartment invite him/her to pay a visit

#apartment #friend #visit
Hello Nisha, Hey there! How are you? It's been a long time since we
last
 met. I'm writing a quick note to tell you that I've moved to a new apartment. Let me explain to you in brief. As you know, both my children are growing up now; Mary is almost 10, and David is 7, so they need their bedrooms.
Moreover
, the old apartment was not very spacious, and the school and other facilities were very far from our house.
Therefore
, we decided to move our home.
However
,
this
 new apartment is exactly what I wanted; it has multiple facilities in the building, like a gym, swimming pool, library, etc.
Additionally
, the best part is that the school is 5 minutes distance from
this
 location.
Nevertheless
, we are in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of town, so malls and other shopping facilities are close to our residence. I will give you additional details when you come to visit us.
This
 weekend is a long weekend, so you can plan a visit with Jimmy. Please bring Aisha and Joy with you. We all will be happy to see you guys after so long. Hope to see you soon, awaiting your reply on
this
. Best regards, Sarah
Submitted by rushsoni1998 on

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Task Response
Ensure the reason for moving is clear and specific. Although you mentioned a general need for more space due to your children growing up, adding specific incidents or examples could strengthen this section.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider linking sentences more smoothly by using a wider range of cohesive devices. While your letter flows well, varying your connectives can improve readability.
Task Response
Consider expanding your description of the new apartment. You've made a good start by mentioning the facilities and location. Including more personal touches or how the space suits your family's needs could make the description more vivid and engaging.
Task Response
Lastly, the invitation could be made more compelling with details about planned activities or why this visit would be special. This gives your friend even more reason to look forward to the visit.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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