IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Please make an essay: Technology is being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences Discuss both sides of this argument and then give you own opinion.

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The increasing
use
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 of
technology
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 in education has sparked a debate about its impact. Some people argue that
technology
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 is a positive influence because it removes limitations on when and where learning can occur. Others,
however
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, contend that
technology
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 may lead to negative consequences by making
students
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 lazy, as
information
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 can be easily accessed with a single click. On the one hand, those who see
technology
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 as beneficial point to the flexibility it offers in education. With technological advancements, learning is no longer confined to a specific time or place.
For instance
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, e-learning platforms that
use
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 videos and online modules enable
students
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 to learn at their own pace and on their own schedule. A student can access lectures from teachers in different parts of the world, allowing them to obtain
information
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 more easily and efficiently.
This
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 accessibility
also
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 accelerates the development of knowledge, as
students
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 can quickly acquire new
information
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 and skills.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that the convenience provided by
technology
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 might lead to student laziness. In today's digital age,
information
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 can be effortlessly obtained through internet search engines, which might discourage
students
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 from engaging deeply with the material.
Moreover
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, the rise of AI
technology
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,
such
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 as chatbots, allows users to access complex
information
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, like details about World War II, through simple interactions.
While
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this
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technology
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 is impressive, it does not necessarily encourage critical or systematic thinking, as
students
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 might rely too heavily on ready-made answers
instead
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 of developing their own understanding. In my opinion,
while
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technology
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 undeniably makes learning more accessible and efficient, it is crucial to
use
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 it wisely. Educators and
students
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 should be aware of the potential pitfalls of over-reliance on
technology
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 and strive to
use
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 it as a tool to enhance learning rather than replace traditional methods of critical thinking and problem-solving.
Technology
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 should complement educational processes, encouraging
students
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 to think critically and not take
information
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 for granted. In conclusion, the
use
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 of
technology
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 in education presents both opportunities and challenges. It offers unparalleled access to
information
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 and learning resources, but it
also
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 poses the risk of promoting laziness and superficial understanding. To maximise its benefits, it is essential to strike a balance between technological convenience and active, thoughtful learning.

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from adding a third body paragraph to present more nuanced arguments or examples that demonstrate both the positive and negative sides of technology in education before reaching your conclusion. This would strengthen the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Strengthen the development of your ideas further by including more specific examples or studies to clarify your points. Illustrating your arguments with more detailed evidence will make them more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Use more signposting phrases to make the transitions between your ideas even smoother. This will help guide the reader through your arguments in a more logical flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are addressed clearly and balanced in the essay, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses clear language and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing, enhancing readability and engagement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • remote
  • underprivileged
  • digital literacy
  • excessive reliance
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • eye strain
  • non-educational content
  • technological malfunctions
  • data privacy
  • security breaches
  • misuse
What to do next:
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