IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that public health is a the respomsiblities of the government while others think that people should br responsibe for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opininon

The debate surrounding public
health
Use synonyms
 responsibility pits two important perspectives against each other. In my opinion, I agree that governments play a more crucial role compared with individuals in
this
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 area.
Although
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 it may seem fair to say that being healthy is an individual responsibility, I do not agree that it applies to all living people.
For instance
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, some people who live in rural areas or facing poverty with limited access to public well-being providers or education will not live their lives the same as society who live in metropolitan areas.
As a result
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,
this
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 will lead them to poor action in personal
health
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 choices compared with residents living in cities.
Besides
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 that, even though there are enough public
health
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 facilities in the urban centre, it does not give a guarantee that the townsfolks have a healthier lifestyle. As we know, at present the majority of people are used to maintaining unhealthy lifestyles
such
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 as bad eating habits and having less physical activity.
On the other hand
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, authorities have a duty to protect the well-being of their citizens from threats that individuals can not manage alone,
for example
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, infectious diseases or environmental hazards.
This
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 can be achieved by implementing public
health
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 initiatives like vaccination programs and sanitation measures. As for country folk who have limited connections to resources and knowledge, government intervention can bridge these gaps by providing access to quality healthcare and preventive services.
Furthermore
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, for some citizens who lack the motivation to take care of their own well-being, authority can create an environment that supports healthy choices through education, regulations, and community development. In a nutshell, I firmly believe that governments should hold the primary responsibility for the
health
Use synonyms
 of their population. By guaranteeing access to healthcare, tackling collective
health
Use synonyms
 threats, and promoting preventive measures, governments can create an environment that empowers individuals to thrive and fosters a healthier and more resilient society.

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Task Achievement
Ensure to fully address all parts of the task. While you have discussed both views and given your opinion, a more balanced approach could include specific examples to illustrate both sides. This will enrich your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing a clearer, more logical structure to your essay. Use paragraphing effectively to separate your ideas and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
When discussing different views or your own opinion, provide more specific and varied examples. This not only supports your points but also demonstrates a wider understanding of the topic. Use real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios to make your arguments more compelling.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Healthcare systems
  • Public health campaigns
  • Health regulations
  • Subsidize
  • Vaccinations
  • Lifestyle decisions
  • Preventive measures
  • Balanced diet
  • Collaborative efforts
  • Empower
  • Enhance
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