IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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Education is the key aspect to achieving success in life. In the past, People chose a
path
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 and led their careers on the same
path
Use synonyms
 for the entire future. Recently, crowds have chosen multiple different paths to obtain money,
due to
Linking Words
 which they need to constantly educate themselves. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss my ideas and experiences regarding
this
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 issue. In the olden days, the population used to educate themselves in a particular
field
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,
due to
Linking Words
 which they had some advantages and disadvantages at the same time. With fewer applications for each job, It was easy to grab the opportunity in the past days when compared to the present society.
However
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, choosing a single
path
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 may have some drawbacks which may include, It may be a very difficult task to find a job in their
field
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 especially if there are very limited jobs available.
For example
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, years back, with very few construction jobs, it is almost impossible to find new employment after the construction is finished, or after being terminated. In the modern world, the Public is aware of the risks that might arise from having knowledge only in a particular
field
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.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of choosing a single
field
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, they are finding several different ways to earn money which in turn makes them financially stable, because of
this
Linking Words
 they need to study continuously for their whole life,
otherwise
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 they might end up losing everything they wish.
For example
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,
last
Linking Words
 year I read an article showing the pictorial representations of people who are choosing multiple career paths and mono paths, it was found that the public who are educated in multiple fields tend to get greater success when compared to others. In conclusion, with the ever-growing population and
due to
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 the scarcity of jobs in the market, it is advised to gain some knowledge in various fields so that even if one
path
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 has no growth the community can jump into different fields to achieve success in their lives.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. A succinct thesis statement can help achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more cohesively. This will also enhance the reader's understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Include more detailed and concrete examples to support your points. Specific, real-world examples can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point or argument. A typical structure might include an introduction, two to three body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your conclusion further. It should clearly summarize your main points and restate your stance, providing a strong end to your essay.
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