IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Write about the following topic: In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #countries #people #fitness #trainer #sports #exercise #classes #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The epidemics of the public prioritising their health and their busy working style are natural consequences of a private exercise trend that trains with a personal coach. I believe it is a positive improvement since it eventually enhances an individual's life quality. One of the massive reasons for
this
 is that the majority of the population realizes that it is vital for them to keep regular and professional exercise.
For instance
, more and more youths hire a personal trainer to take a pre-body test and make a personal training plan based on their body conditions. As far as
people
 doing
this
, they might exercise in a more effective and safe way, compared with doing sports randomly.
Thus
, it helps them to stick to a well-designed schedule, getting the most out of their bodies healthy. Apart from public awareness, the fact of the busy working force is another reason for
people
 to choose personal training
instead
 of attending team classes. The evidence for
this
 can be seen from the fact that it is very common for us to see
people
 work overtime.
Then
, It can be difficult for them to join a fixed-time training session.
While
 it may be easy to succeed in making an appointment with a personal coach.
Hence
, it not only helps them to form a regular habit but
also
 builds a stronger heart and muscle system.
Therefore
, they will always stay in a positive mood, greatly boosting their life satisfaction. In conclusion, based on the reasons have been discussed above hiring a coach is an upward development because it helps
people
 to stay healthy and boost their life satisfaction.
Submitted by careyche on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas. Consider using more transitional phrases to enhance the connection between paragraphs and within paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, but you could further strengthen them by explicitly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and summarizing the main points more effectively in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more diverse and detailed examples. While you have provided examples, integrating a wider range of personal experiences or statistical data could enrich your argument.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task. You have done a good job in providing reasons for the trend and stating whether it's positive or negative. Further depth could be added by exploring potential downsides in more detail, even if your overall stance is positive.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to ensure a comprehensive response. While you've provided reasons and examples, delving deeper into the implications of these trends could offer a more rounded perspective.
Task Achievement
Use specific, real-life examples to strengthen your arguments. Your examples are relevant, but adding more specific details or personal anecdotes could make your essay more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: