IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You would like a job working in the summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people. Write a letter to the organisers of the summer camp. In your letter: describe your personality say what relevant experience and skills you have explain what sort of work you would like to do.

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Dear Sir , I am writing
this
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 letter regarding a job that was published by your organization in the local newspaper . Yesterday , I came to know about
this
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 vacancy which really captivates me because I like outdoor physical activities. My name is Jai Verma and I am working as a physiotherapist in the clinic. I handle several patients in one day which gives me a sense of responsibility and authenticity. I am 6 feet tall , a serene and generous person and I have lots of patience to tackle difficult situations .
Moreover
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, I live at the Hespeler Village where you have decided to organize the summer camp
hence
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, it will be easier for me to commute. I can help all the candidates to avoid muscle strain or sprain and if they have any injury I can diagnose them and will provide accurate treatment for the quick recovery. Other than that , good communication skills , teamwork and leadership qualities will help me to arrange all things appropriately. I hope you will allow me to be a part of
this
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 camp and I am looking forward to hearing from you . Yours faithfully, Jai

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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. Your letter does a good job explaining your skills and what sort of work you'd like, but more details on your personality relating to how it specifically makes you suited for this job would enhance your response.
Task Achievement
Consider adopting a more formal tone to better suit the context of a job application letter. Phrases like 'captivates me' and 'I can diagnose them' could be made more formal or professional to better align with the expected writing tone.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter has a logical structure and presents ideas in a coherent manner. To further improve coherence and cohesion, make use of a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure paragraphs are well-organized around a single theme.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay attention to the greeting and closing of your letter. While 'Dear Sir,' is typically appropriate, considering today's diverse and inclusive environment, 'Dear Hiring Manager,' might be a safer choice. Ensure the closing aligns with the overall tone of your letter. 'Yours faithfully,' is correctly used when the recipient is not named.
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