IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of people nowadays are spending too much money and they do not save anything for future use. What are the reasons for people spend too much? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #money #future #development
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There are several
reasons
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 for
people
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 spend too much expenditure and
they
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apply
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have no
saving
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savings
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 for
further
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useage
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use
.
However
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, in general, those
reasons
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 come down to two major ones.
This
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 essay will analyze the two main
reasons
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 for
people
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 are being spendthrift and have no
saving
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savings
show examples
 at all.
Along with
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 the development of technological advancement, more and more
people
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exposed
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are exposed
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 to the advertisement on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. Very often,
people
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receieve
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receive
 an email or a message when a
product
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 is on
sales
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sale
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. The deduction of the price
increase
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increases
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 the attractiveness of the
product
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 itself.
People
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 are easily appealed to the discount which motivates
people
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 to buy the
particlar
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particular
product
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.
Consequently
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, some
people
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 may splash out on these
products
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 because they find the discounted
products
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 are good value for
money
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. If
people
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 were profligate and did not keep an eye on their wallets, they would end up
to pay
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paying
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 large
amount
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amounts
show examples
 of liabilities for credit cards. Another significant reason is the rapid growth of the number of
influencers
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. A lot of
Youtubers
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YouTubers
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 and
influencers
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 are sponsored to sell
the
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their
show examples
products
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 on different social media platforms
such
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 as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 and Instagram. They emphasize the advantages of using the
products
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,
for instance
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, "
you
Capitalize word
You
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 will get smooth skin if you use
this
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 gel mask
everyday
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every day
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." a beauty
Youtuber
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YouTuber
show examples
 said. The
influencers
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 compliment
on
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apply
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the
product
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's function to convince the public to buy the
products
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 and make profits from that.
People
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 buy these
products
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 because they want
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them but
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but
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apply
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not
they
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because they
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need
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need them
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. They buy these
uncessary
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unnecessary
products
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 even when they are on a tight budget.
Therefore
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, they could not save
money
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 for future use. In my reckoning,
this
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 is a negative trend since
people
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 create more financial issues.
People
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 who do not know the means of financial management, possibly lead to the impact of
heavy
Add an article
the heavy
a heavy
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 financial burden
for
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on
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 themselves. They hardly ever saved
money
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 for future use since they
has
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have
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 been living from hand to mouth to pay for
the
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apply
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daily expenses like rental
payment
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payments
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, bills and insurance
fee
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fees
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. They feel stressed and panic when a bank account goes red which
cause
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causes
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 unfavourable effects
to
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on
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 their mental health.
To conclude
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, online
influencers
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' promotion strategies and the frequency
exposure
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of exposure
show examples
 to the advertisement are the
reasons
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 to explain the issue of
people
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 spending too much
money
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 in contemporary times.
People
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have
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having
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 no
saving
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savings
show examples
 is a chronic problem that worth the public to better address.
Submitted by thirdaccforevelyn on

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Task Response
Try to clarify your main arguments a bit more and ensure each paragraph clearly supports your essay's main point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Link your ideas smoothly within and between paragraphs for better flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly distinguish between necessary and unnecessary information and how they connect back to the main points.
Task Response
Good attempt at explaining the influence of technology and social media on spending habits.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a good structure to your essay.
Task Response
Relevant examples such as influencers and online advertisements are used to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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