All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Whether humans of all ages have been facing an increase in overweighting problems or not is a crucial subject of public concern and debate. There are a number of justifications regarding
this
issue,
however
, I will argue that it is not insurmountable provided some measures are taken. There is a widely held view that people's lifestyles have some inevitable impact on their health-related diseases including obesity. To clarify, the reason behind
this
statement is that
the
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apply
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daily routines have changed over recent decades on account of technological development.
This
factor would affect individuals' approaches to
do
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doing
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their chores.
For instance
, all the activities
such
as shopping, playing, and doing homework, to name but a few have been depending on that
instead
of physical movement.
Thus
, the more
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lowkey
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low-key
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lowkey
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our
life
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lives
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get
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gets
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, the more weight we gain. When it comes to tackling obesity and its side effects, it is essential that everyone embark on revising some of their habits which might lead to burning less energy and getting fat. Activating the living programs, youngsters and adolescents might
enroll
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enrol
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in some sports courses
as well as
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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some steps to give up
the
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their
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technology addiction in some cases.
In addition
, adults who work in a firm or in a household could come up with a couple
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of practise
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practise
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practice
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plans to help them either way mentally and
physicaly
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physically
.
Therefore
, despite the fact that they protect themselves and their loved ones, they would
diminsh
Correct your spelling
diminish
the barriers of obesity. In conclusion, I argued the reasons which potentially cause ending up obes,
moreover
, some alternative solutions to withdraw dysfunctional daily acts and to tackle those
feasable
Correct your spelling
feasible
effects of gaining weight intensely.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-connected paragraphs and ideas. Use transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Develop your main points with examples or evidence to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay and makes your ideas more persuasive.
task achievement
You've made a good effort to address both parts of the question: reasons for the rise in obesity and potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay transitions smoothly between points, showing good use of coherence devices.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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