All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #reason #rise

Whether humans of all ages have been facing an increase in overweighting problems or not is a crucial subject of public concern and debate. There are a number of justifications regarding

this

issue,

however

, I will argue that it is not insurmountable provided some measures are taken. There is a widely held view that people's lifestyles have some inevitable impact on their health-related diseases including obesity. To clarify, the reason behind

this

statement is that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

daily routines have changed over recent decades on account of technological development.

This

factor would affect individuals' approaches to

Change the verb form

doing

show examples

their chores.

For instance

, all the activities

such

as shopping, playing, and doing homework, to name but a few have been depending on that

instead

of physical movement.

Thus

, the more

Correct your spelling

lowkey

show examples

low-key

Correct your spelling

lowkey

show examples

our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

get

Change the verb form

gets

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, the more weight we gain. When it comes to tackling obesity and its side effects, it is essential that everyone embark on revising some of their habits which might lead to burning less energy and getting fat. Activating the living programs, youngsters and adolescents might

enroll

Change the spelling

enrol

show examples

in some sports courses

as well as

taking

Wrong verb form

take

show examples

some steps to give up

the

Change the word

their

show examples

technology addiction in some cases.

In addition

, adults who work in a firm or in a household could come up with a couple

Change preposition

of practise

show examples

practise

Correct your spelling

practice

show examples

plans to help them either way mentally and

physicaly

Correct your spelling

physically

Therefore

, despite the fact that they protect themselves and their loved ones, they would

diminsh

Correct your spelling

diminish

the barriers of obesity. In conclusion, I argued the reasons which potentially cause ending up obes,

moreover

, some alternative solutions to withdraw dysfunctional daily acts and to tackle those

feasable

Correct your spelling

feasible

effects of gaining weight intensely.

Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on Wed Apr 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-connected paragraphs and ideas. Use transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Develop your main points with examples or evidence to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay and makes your ideas more persuasive.

task achievement

You've made a good effort to address both parts of the question: reasons for the rise in obesity and potential solutions.

coherence cohesion

Your essay transitions smoothly between points, showing good use of coherence devices.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Presently, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more adults are spending time playing computer games. Why are adults doing so? Is it good or bad?

Some cities ban private cars from entering the centre and force people to use bicycles and buses. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

As technology advances, travelling to space is likely to become an option for holidaymakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?