IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some scientists think that there are intelligent life forms on other planets and messages should be sent to contact them. Other scientists think it is a bad idea and would be dangerous. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
scientists
Use synonyms
 believe that intelligent
life
Use synonyms
 forms exist on other planets and argue that
humans
Use synonyms
 should send
messages
Use synonyms
 in order to make
contact
Use synonyms
 with them.
However
Linking Words
, other
scientists
Use synonyms
 think that
this
Linking Words
 action would be dangerous and should be avoided. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 the idea is fascinating, it is too risky at the present time. Until
humans
Use synonyms
 gain a deeper understanding of space and develop more advanced technology, it would be safer to avoid sending
messages
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, supporters of sending
messages
Use synonyms
 to other planets believe that it could bring significant benefits to humanity. One main reason is that
contact
Use synonyms
 with intelligent
life
Use synonyms
 forms could lead to scientific and technological advancement.
For example
Linking Words
, extraterrestrial civilisations might possess more advanced knowledge about space travel, energy production, or medicine, which could help
humans
Use synonyms
 solve global problems. Another reason is that
such
Linking Words
 communication could expand human understanding of the universe. Discovering intelligent
life
Use synonyms
elsewhere
Linking Words
 would be one of the greatest achievements in history and could inspire people to invest more in scientific research and space exploration.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
scientists
Use synonyms
 strongly oppose
this
Linking Words
 idea because of the potential dangers involved. The most serious concern is that
humans
Use synonyms
 do not know whether these
life
Use synonyms
 forms would be friendly or hostile. Sending
messages
Use synonyms
 could reveal Earth's location and make it a target for dangerous civilisations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
humans
Use synonyms
 currently lack the technology to defend themselves if it leads to conflict. Some
scientists
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 argue that even peaceful
contact
Use synonyms
 could cause panic or social instability on Earth, as people may not be psychologically prepared for
such
Linking Words
 a discovery. In conclusion
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 sending
messages
Use synonyms
 to intelligent
life
Use synonyms
 may offer potential scientific benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 carries serious and unpredictable risks.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that caution should be exercised, and
such
Linking Words
contact
Use synonyms
 should be avoided until humanity is better prepared.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Make the two sides equal in length and give a clear final view at the end.
Vocabulary/Grammar
Keep easy words. Check each line for any word that is not simple.
Structure
Fix the last line to read: In conclusion, while... then add a short final thought.
Content
Add a stronger, more exact example to support ideas.
Content
Clear view on the topic from start to end.
Coherence
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' for balance.
Structure
Good order of intro, two bodies, and conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extraterrestrial
  • investigate
  • interstellar
  • speculate
  • communication
  • primitive
  • potential
  • collaboration
  • unlock
  • unprecedented
  • advancement
  • caution
  • consequences
  • hostile
  • unknowingly
  • civilization
  • disrupt
  • evolution
  • preserve
  • ponder
What to do next:
Look at other essays: